Amanda from Edinburg, VA asks:
I’ve been with my fiance for over four years. Recently we started fighting, and we decided to take a break for a week or two. It’s been all most three weeks now, and he barely texts/calls me. He won’t come and see me. He says he needs his space. Should I give him his space and then try to talk to him? Or should I find someone else?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
Dear Amanda,
Your relationship has hit a pretty significant bump in the road. What makes things a lot more challenging is the fact that you are the only one who is feeling the pain and feeling insecure.
One of the problems that is showing up during what is supposed to be a time of separation and space is that you are still pretty present in his world. While you don’t know where he’s at, what he’s going to do, or what is going to happen next—he has all the confidence in the world that he still has you.
Your relationship is in trouble. It has been for a while. The two of you stopped paying attention to each other, and just got wrapped up in the fact that you were a couple. Even the passion began to fade. It’s one of the pitfalls of allowing a relationship to slip into a routine.
Your fiance hasn’t done anything yet, but there is another female who caught his eye. And even though things haven’t gotten physical, he has a need to examine everything, to try and understand why.
The best thing you can do is to focus on yourself. Push the urges to be in touch with him as far away as possible. Let him marinate in his curiosity, which will be brought on by your silence. Don’t call, don’t text, and don’t try and make arrangements to spend time with him. Just live your life and have fun, including getting back in touch with and hanging out with your friends.
It’s going to take some time as both of you really need to get in touch with how you feel—about yourselves, as well as each other. You have a viable and savable relationship, but each of you really needs to understand that you’ve grown, some life has happened, and you’ve changed.
By laying low and getting back in touch with yourself, you will find that your fiance isn’t your only option, even though he still presents as the best option. Things are going to take a lot longer than either of you had planned to get to the place of reunion and reconciliation, but it will happen sometime around the turn of the year.
Sometimes it is only when you have the opportunity and freedom to explore everything you think you want, that you realize you had what you wanted all along. This is what your fiance is going to figure out. When he does, he’ll appreciate you more, and your relationship will once again become exciting and strong.
I hope this helps you.
Brightest Blessings,
Red
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3 thoughts on “Red Responds: Is Leaving the Easy Way Out?”
I’ve similar experience lately. I’ve a boyfriend, who wants to marry me several times, but cancelled again & again. the last time we planned to get married at 11/11/’11. 3 weeks before we got married I made a stupid mistake , by bringing a woman( a new friend) to his house bcs we want to help her to find a place for her. She only spent a night, but that’s enough for her. I just left her 1/2 hour to take a bath, she took the opportunity to grab him. After that every thing became different, she flirt with him in front of me, like I wasn’t there anymore. Then I had a fight with him, I was angry. I hit him. Suddenly she’s in his side told me to aplogize to him. I was so angry I argued with her. Then he asked us to leave. After that happened I couldn’t be with her anymore. It was a good opportunity for her to catch him. Make the story short he dissapeared, before he disapeared I saw him grooming, he didn’t look like he used to be. After 7 1/2 months he came back, denied he was with her, planning again for marriage. Looking for bigger apartment. He called me in the middle of the night 1.00, I was afraid to talk it might woke up my landlord. He dumped me the next 5 min. by leaving a massage. I tried to get to his sense by emailing him. I made another mistake by mentioned I saw him grooming. He denied it furiously. Now he never called me, someone told me, he found a better apartment, I tried to call him,but his ph.disconnected. It happened 3 weeks ago. I tried email him, no respond. What should I do? Now I’m afraid that she might come back again, bcs he has a better apartment. I still love him. I ‘m hurt bcs I ‘m blaming myself of being stupid. Pls. advice.
Wow… that was some great advice..ive been going threw a simular situation myself. my ex boyfriend has left me 16 times in the last 8 months and each time it really confuses me because we are very passionate together and never argue. weve been seeing eachother for 12 years, in the 8 months weve lived together this is the last time, he is leaving me. im concluding this relationship by being realistic. he doesnt really love me or he wouldnt have shattered me so many times.he emails me now says he is at a retreat in new mexico saying he loves me and hes sorry. mean while his wife (getting divorced) is selling all assetts drained the company of all sources and closing down. he says he will be back next month and he was told she was going to keep all afloat til he got help. he has devastated both of us and now he has nothing if he doesnt get back to california and stop her. how can i trust this man that he loves me when his passion for me is so obvious yet he leaves me. i need to read your column over a few times because you sure made alot of sense. thank you for your wisdom. deborah britt
Amanda
I know what you are going through as I am in the same situation as yourself, I never thought I’d fall in love but I did & after almost 3 years together I thought we were settled. But he decided he needed space to work out what he wanted from life – I was gutted, so I understand how you feel. All my friends tell me I was too good for him / it is his loss & he will come to realise that, until he does I’m doing what Red says – concentrating on me, re-connecting with friends I haven’t seen for a while, taking up my hobbies again, pampering myself. If he doesn’t come back to me it will be his loss, if he does then he will have a stronger, more independent woman that knows what she wants & will not loose herself in being a couple again!!