Red Responds: How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex

Christopher from Chicago, Illinois asks:

I walked away from a relationship a year ago because I felt like I was just taken for granted—a third wheel, and I was cheated on. I thought I could manage to move on, but until now I still can’t stop thinking about us and what could have been. Sometimes depression is getting to me so that I neglect the things that are important in my life. What is it between us that makes it hard for me to move on? Why is it that sometimes I feel as if I made a mistake?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Christopher,

Getting over someone you loved isn’t an easy thing to do, even when it is the right thing to do. Healing takes time, and more often than not, more time than we’d like. Your karmic contract with your ex is done. There’s no going back. Do your best to accept this, and direct your energy into trying to move forward.

There are many past life bonds that show up between you and your ex, and that certainly can make moving on more challenging. You have a very kind and responsible nature, which isn’t really helping you to let go. From what I can see, you tried to make the relationship work, tried to heal your partner, and tirelessly tried to create a safe and joyful relationship. That doesn’t change the monstrous problem that through the course of your relationship you were the only one trying.

When you find yourself thinking of how things could have been, try to remember how they were. The reality of the past is the truth of this relationship. The two of you ultimately weren’t on the same page, ready to embrace the same levels of love or responsibility. If you had gotten together at a different time in your lives, things may have worked out much more harmoniously. Unfortunately, because you two came together when you did, the “maybe’s” and “what if’s” don’t matter. I know that sounds cold and cruel. While I am sorry to be so blunt, it is very important for your healing to understand that you did all you could do. It was because of some of your partner’s decisions and choices that you weren’t able to create the relationship that you are ultimately destined to have. You’ll find the love and happiness you so deeply desire, just not with your ex. Your happiness will come in the form of an equal, and your ex was more along the lines of a project. Some karmetic relationships are like that. Even though these types of relationships can be incredibly painful, the lessons they leave us with very often is what helps us to achieve our dreams and highest good in the future.

I really hope that you will talk with your doctor or a therapist about your depression. While I can feel your pain, I can’t fix it. I just know that you have to, and you have the ability to work through all of this. It just seems as if you could benefit from a little help and outside opinion. You’re a good man, and you are meant to have a good life. Depression can cause more than a few kinks in the chain, so the best way to deal with it is head-on. The sooner you feel better, the brighter the world becomes. And when you are back to your old self (which seems a bit more like being comfortable with your new self), you will begin to attract the people and things to you that not only will make you happy, but also will help you to understand the purpose behind the anguish that you’ve been going through.

Even though I have complete faith in you, I’m still going to wish you luck.

Brightest Blessings,


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5 thoughts on “Red Responds: How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex

  1. stephanie

    thats a question i have asked myself i guest we just keep busy so we dont have to think about thenm or we try to find someone else to heal the pain of an exs

  2. stephanie

    i want comment about the exs see all my exs married other people and when there marriages are falling apart my phone starts ringing and they start talking about regrets. i always ask y did they get married in the first place and they tell me u didnt want to get married. i always say it wasnt our time ,because every guy i dated cheated and they tell me its because of my job i work to much that to me is just a lie they were cheaters from the start and now they want to cheat with me not happening how do a person find true love ?

  3. browneyesbrowneyes

    Wonderful advice Red. And good luck to Christopher. I find myself in the same dilemma, only its been almost 3 years since my breakup and he is still on my mind. Its very hard to move on and even more difficult when your readings have indicated that there will be a reuniting in the future. And that this was your soulmate. Just wish I could get another reading with you Red to see if you still see the same thing or changes. Youre just too hard to connect with anymore. In any case I wish Christopher the best.

  4. Kathy

    My ex- walked out on me. Thanks for the word “anguish,” Red. Truly I wanted to let myself die at the time, but decided to stay alive “just in case” he’d change his mind.—I’m here to tell you that, for me, a great deal of healing is forgiveness. It has kept me from becoming bitter. He left in Sept 2009, and I’m almost over him, though I still desire him, and yes, the “what if’s” still occasionally visit. At the same time, the divorce was final this past December and I’ve already met 2 men I’m attracted to, one somewhat more than the other. Indeed, the choice is mine: risk being hurt already so soon, or build walls against feeling love(d) again.


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