Red Responds: Get Married or Break Up?

Either Commit or Move On

Mary from Colorado Springs, Colorado asks:

I am in a relationship with a man for seven years. I enjoy him as a person, and he is a wonderful man. But I seem to have a hesitation towards marrying him, and I seem to find myself distracted by other men who I end up finding are not as supportive and easy to communicate with as my current boyfriend. He keeps waiting for me and putting up with more crap that I think anyone should handle. I just wish I could move in one direction. Either commit or move on. Do I have an issue with relationships or is this not the right one for me?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Mary,

There are many wonderful qualities about your boyfriend, and he would be a safe choice for marriage. That seems to be a big part of your internal struggle—you really don’t want to marry for safety. You want excitement. You want a bit of “bad boy” in a good man. You want someone who will challenge you as a person, and your current boyfriend really doesn’t. To be bluntly honest, you don’t have the depth of respect for him as a person that you require of yourself for a husband or life-mate. Unless you choose to create a different outcome, I really don’t see you marrying this man.

No one is completely free of issues when it comes to relationships, but your struggles can’t be passed off as blanket “commitment phobia,” either. You do eventually want to commit, but you hugely fear surrendering your freedom and committing to the wrong person. It may help you to talk with a counselor or therapist, so that you can more deeply understand your own emotional responses when it comes to relationships. A few sessions are also highly likely to help you to more clearly see and understand that your boyfriend really isn’t the guy you can see yourself with. He is your safety net. Sometimes, he’s your balancing point. But if you’re going to be truly honest with yourself, you’ll never give him the title of being your equal. And, therein lies the true problem, which is compounded by the fact that he genuinely is a nice guy. Maybe, a little too nice

Finding true love and creating a lasting relationship doesn’t come easily to everyone on the planet. While you have a workable relationship with your boyfriend, neither he nor the relationship is something you truly want in a “forever” sense. You’ve known that for a long time, you just don’t necessarily want to deal with it, because it brings to light that your finding “the one” is going to more of a challenge than many others experience.

I am truly sorry that your path to happiness is a bit on the complex side; but you are a strong enough person to face that challenge head-on and draw to you not only what you want, but what (who) you need.

Brightest Blessings,


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3 thoughts on “Red Responds: Get Married or Break Up?

  1. april

    ok i dont know what i should im 19 yrs old with a 21 yrs old guy he lives with his mom and depends off of her i dont know eather i should stay or go were always going through the same cycle i love u and want u here then leave i cant put up with get out on the first i love him but im really getting t the point of givin up idk what to do

  2. Maria

    Red, I am dating Kris and he is a workaholic. I can’t seem to get through to him when it comes to spending time together. I tried to understand but it bothers me that he most of the time don’t even call me… I always call him and most of the time he rush telling me he has things to do. Should I just leave it be or move on?

  3. siouxsie

    i have a friend in the same spot, wasn’t completely happy with the relationship and things moving on for some reason. she tried to break it off and then got scared and ran back to him. to be honest he is her safety net like red’s and i worry now that they are talking marriage it may not be good long term.


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