Red Responds: Games Men Play With Our Hearts

Game-playing is a staple of the single life and it is something both men and women are unfortunately guilty of. Here’s why men do it to women.

Will He Always be a Game-Player?

Kaye from South Dakota asks:

My boyfriend keeps playing hot and cold with me. How long will this last, and why do men do this to us?

Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:

Dear Kaye,

It is unfortunate that game-playing is practically a requirement in the single life, and it does seem to be some kind of unwritten social norm that men and women are guilty of. It seems as if the human race has devolved to a place where games are part of the mate selection process. However, every relationship is as different as the people involved.

Your boyfriend is not ready to fully commit to you. If there is a bright side to this, and to the games he plays, that bright side is he knows it. But, even though he knows he can’t commit, and the feelings he has for you scare him, he also knows that he’d rather be with you than without you. This is kind of selfish on his part, but it is also filled with hope. He wants to be the guy who can commit to you; be the true “man” in the relationship, and give you not only what you want, but also the security that you need.

Your guy comes through like a troubled, but ultimately decent, boy. I know I just called him a boy, but I did so for a reason: he has yet to find his place of strength and balance, and can often be more than a little immature.

From what I can see, it looks like your boyfriend is going to need another seven to eight more months before he really settles down and starts to come into his own strength. You may be able to help expedite his process by being honest with him, but not needy.

Sometimes he thinks he has you wrapped around his little finger because you really let your vulnerability show. It is particularly during your greatest times of need that he goes “cold,” and needs his space. Most of this is a clash of your respective fears. But, if you can show him your strength, be more willing to take it as it comes rather than hyper-concerned over what is going to happen next, you will see changes.

It’s not just men who run hot and cold, women do it, too. Surrendering your trust, and heart to another person is scary. There’s that risk that things won’t work out, or result in marriage, and people get a little freaked. Not everyone handles it well, and not every couple chooses to face such fears hand-in-hand. So, even though it can be problematic, and certainly confusing, time usually is all that is needed to sort things out. Even though your boyfriend may be driving you nuts with his hot and cold attitude and actions, show him your strength and patience, and the relationship will stabilize.

Brightest Blessings,


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8 thoughts on “Red Responds: Games Men Play With Our Hearts

  1. Sel

    I was in a relationship for 2yrs with my boyfriend, everything Ican say was going good until suddenly he told me he was getting transfered to go work in another district. He never said the relationship wud end but instead he said he would be visiting every time he gets a day off. He has been fullfilling that but I don’t feel like am in a relationship now since I see him every now and then, he calls every night but guess that is not enough and am still wondering why he took the decision of getting a transfer if we were having a good life together, can you please advise????

  2. Cam

    I know what each of you is talking about. There is a book that I would like to recommend for you to read. I think it will help you. It’s called “Why Men Love Bitches”. Enjoy

  3. samala

    Lets tell the truth..he will not come around in that time, he will only hurt her more. If she relaxes and trusts him and takes it as it comes he will break up with her one day out of the blue, and then she has no one to blame but herself for trusting and this HORRIBLE advice!!!!

  4. robin

    I am experiencing the same hot and cold attitude from my “boyfriend” although I am very up front with him about what I want. I can say when I take back my independance he runs to me. We had infidelity issues which I do hate to us that word but have no compatible word for cheating when not married. I have a issue eof trust and I still can leave him alone. Confusing to me. We r distant not intimate but r both compleleed to help each other still. So I agree with Red when u let them know that u stillcan surrivee with out them they draw near and when u don’t give up ur life for them they panic and stay around cause they kknow they have someone good. Yes Red I agree in the term boy. It suit their personilty theyy play tthe game hot potato with ur heart and emotions.

  5. Llehs

    My guy has been doing this to me also for two years. When it gets good he cuts me off. When I think I’m over him he comes back. I’m on an emotional yo-yo. I love him too much to say no when he comes back. I was told he won’t be ready for 5more years. I don’t think I can wait that long so what do I do?

  6. Aymee

    I received this treatment from a boyfriend for 2y until I decided it isn’t fine for me anymore.
    Everybody have doubts, but you work on it or break the circle if you can’t find find solutions to be able to fully commit.

    Maybe I din’t the best but I am feeling released.

  7. amanda hill

    Hello im amanda, and i have been talking to someone in taylor county jail his name is paulino rodriguez. I have known him for 7 years i recently started talkin to him he says all these sweet and promising things to me like ,well he messed up and everyone does but i think he can change but i have my douts because of my last realationship. With my son zoriahs father he had recently passed i think im scared because it diddnt affect me like i thought it would he was mean and hateful and i think bring with him made me a bitter woman and now i am scared to make a bigger step to being with someone i have liked for a long time he says he wants to be here for me and my son when he gets out and i dont want him to hurts mine or exspecially my sons heart. I really just wanna know that he has really changed and is not goin to cheat or lie to me and really be here for me like he says

  8. Sonya

    I can relate to the same problem Kaye is going threw. I can’t stand it having to play games with men. I’m wondering should I let the man in my life go once and for all.


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