Game-playing is a staple of the single life and it is something both men and women are unfortunately guilty of. Here’s why men do it to women.
Will He Always be a Game-Player?
Kaye from South Dakota asks:
My boyfriend keeps playing hot and cold with me. How long will this last, and why do men do this to us?
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
It is unfortunate that game-playing is practically a requirement in the single life, and it does seem to be some kind of unwritten social norm that men and women are guilty of. It seems as if the human race has devolved to a place where games are part of the mate selection process. However, every relationship is as different as the people involved.
Your boyfriend is not ready to fully commit to you. If there is a bright side to this, and to the games he plays, that bright side is he knows it. But, even though he knows he can’t commit, and the feelings he has for you scare him, he also knows that he’d rather be with you than without you. This is kind of selfish on his part, but it is also filled with hope. He wants to be the guy who can commit to you; be the true “man” in the relationship, and give you not only what you want, but also the security that you need.
Your guy comes through like a troubled, but ultimately decent, boy. I know I just called him a boy, but I did so for a reason: he has yet to find his place of strength and balance, and can often be more than a little immature.
From what I can see, it looks like your boyfriend is going to need another seven to eight more months before he really settles down and starts to come into his own strength. You may be able to help expedite his process by being honest with him, but not needy.
Sometimes he thinks he has you wrapped around his little finger because you really let your vulnerability show. It is particularly during your greatest times of need that he goes “cold,” and needs his space. Most of this is a clash of your respective fears. But, if you can show him your strength, be more willing to take it as it comes rather than hyper-concerned over what is going to happen next, you will see changes.
It’s not just men who run hot and cold, women do it, too. Surrendering your trust, and heart to another person is scary. There’s that risk that things won’t work out, or result in marriage, and people get a little freaked. Not everyone handles it well, and not every couple chooses to face such fears hand-in-hand. So, even though it can be problematic, and certainly confusing, time usually is all that is needed to sort things out. Even though your boyfriend may be driving you nuts with his hot and cold attitude and actions, show him your strength and patience, and the relationship will stabilize.
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