I still miss my ex boyfriend. We broke up nearly 3 years ago and he moved to another city an hour and a half away, but we still talk. He calls me, and sometimes I call him. Usually, it’s when I stop calling him, that he starts calling more frequently. Neither of us has had a real relationship in the 3 years since the awful break up. Two weeks ago he came through town, I saw him, and we were intimate. I know there are still a ton of feelings there for both of us. Will we ever get back together? We went through a lot, our road was long, windy and bumpy, but my love for him is still as strong as it ever was and I feel he was my first true love. What can I do? Sometimes I miss him so much I feel I can’t bear it. To make things even more frustrating, I’m 41 years old. I would like to start a family, but I know time is running out for me. Can you help me?
– Missing J. by the beach
Dear Missing J. by the beach,
The bond you share with your ex comes through very strong, from both sides. I see him as continuing to be a part of your life.
The shared history is one of the elements that allows the two of you to have the up-and-down relationship you currently share, and presents as a pretty decent foundation to build from for the future.
I don’t want to mislead you into thinking that the two of you can “pick up where you left off”, but there is a very real opportunity to establish a more solid and romantic relationship.
There is still a lot of passion between the two of you, and it is a beautiful thing, but it is only an aspect of the relationship. For the two of you to successfully come back together, you need to lead with your head as well as your heart this time around. Each of you still hold old hurts from your time together, and these issues need to be gently addressed. In order to fully come together, the lines of communication need to be kept open and honest.
I understand that you wish to start a family and feel the pressure of time, but you cannot allow this to dictate this relationship, if this is the man you want to share your life with. Too much emphasis on timelines or formalizing “getting back together” will be more destructive than constructive. Even though his feelings for you are still very strong, he holds a lot of fear, and is not one who can be pushed or rushed.
Be cautious of falling into the traps of “what once was”.
The two of you have a second chance, which is an opportunity for a bright and beautiful future. The key to manifesting the strong relationship you yearn for is honesty, communication, understanding and patience. This is slow-building relationship that needs to be taken one step at a time, without expectations or demands.
Best of Luck!