Red Responds: Is This Widow Ready for a Relationship?

Jan in Reading writes:

I have been a widow for three years. I am just 36 years old and have two children ages five and six. I am at a place where I am at peace with my husband’s passing. He was, of course, the love of my life. I never date because of having my children 24/7 and not being able to find somebody who is right for me and my children (I refuse to settle) – although my friends certainly try to set me up.

Do you think I am too choosy or do you think it will just take some time… or maybe when the children are older? I don’t need a guy’s attention. I am secure within myself, but I am definitely a relationship type of person.

Dear Jan,

I’m very sorry for your loss, but happy that you are at peace. Peace is a good thing. While there will never be another like your husband, there eventually will be another. It’s just going to take time.

You are honoring yourself by not settling for the wrong man just to be in a relationship. Your independence and the joys and hardships you have suffered give you a certain element of strength, and a bit of a different outlook. Your kids and friends aren’t going to stop trying to set you up, but you aren’t going to meet the right man soon. Other than some random attention and very casual dating, true romance is still about two years away.

There’s nothing wrong with being selective about who you bring into your life. After losing someone you loved so dearly, it does raise the bar a little bit higher. But, you will come to a place when dating holds more promise, and when you meet the right guy, you will fall in love again. You’ll meet him at a wedding. It’s an older man, but not a relative, who will introduce you to this fascinating guy. Although it will be a slow developing relationship, your boyfriend will propose marriage (a couple of times) and eventually you’ll give in.

You’ve been through a lot, but you come through like you really have “it” together. Just keep trusting your heart and your head, and it looks as if there is much happiness for you and your kids, now and in the future.

Brightest Blessings!

Ext. 9226

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