Red Responds: He’s a Recent Widower

Nancy in the UK writes:

After a long separation, this year I applied for and received a fairly amiable divorce, during which I moved back to the United Kingdom, closer to family. Shortly after arriving here I was casually introduced to a recent widower who was obviously still grieving. However, we’ve had several coincidental encounters over six months and friendly conversations – although much of what he has to say is about his children and deceased wife (they were quite happy in marriage), and he asks about my children and how I am adjusting to a new life.

After six months of random conversation, I understand he may still be quite involved in grieving his loss, but I feel we would have a great rapport if we had more opportunity to know each other. I’m wondering whether this conversation will ever move on or if he has determined to live in his memories.

Dear Nancy,

There are limitations that immediately present with this relationship, but if you are willing to accept them, there is a level of potential that exists.

Your gentleman friend is currently still immersed in his grief, and he will be loyal to his wife’s memory for quite some time to come. You are right – you two stand to get along famously, and a fabulous friendship can be developed. However, friendship is one of the immediate limitations that present. Even though the bond between you will grow into something deeper than that of friendship, your friend isn’t ready to cross the boundaries of friendship into something more romantic.

If you are open to simple companionship, without expectations, this can be an enjoyable relationship. But, if you are hoping that things will progress into something deeper, you are likely to feel rejected and frustrated long before he begins to really open to the possibilities.

I would advise you to enjoy the benefits of his company, but keep yourself open to others for romantic opportunities. Both of you are on a healing path, but the paths you take will ultimately lead you in separate directions.

I hope this helps.
Ext. 9226

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