Lena in Orlando writes:
I lost my baby in the sixth month of pregnancy at the beginning
of April. I almost died, too! Since then I have been trying to be
strong and positive, but I am facing each day with tears and sadness. I
am in a relationship with a man who is ten years older than I am (I’m
36), and married. He is also the father of my lost baby. Is there hope
for me to be happy and to have a family one day? Will this keep us
together, or should I move on?
I am so sorry for your loss. Even though you are facing each day with tears and sadness, you are facing each day. That tells me you are strong. But after what you’ve been through, it’s going to take time to heal, and healing doesn’t always mean you won’t still hurt. If you can, find someone to talk to. A grief counselor or therapist can’t take the pain away, but they can help you with the process.
It can be very hard for many couples to endure and overcome such a tragedy. Your relationship has the challenge of additional burdens, as well. Even though this man doesn’t know how to help you through this difficult time, he’s not leaving – even though there are times when he thinks he should.
I don’t want to cause you more pain, but I have to be honest with you – while your relationship has the potential to stay together, being together doesn’t necessarily lead to your greatest happiness. You aren’t ready to move on just yet, but that day will come. What’s most important right now, Lena, is that you do what you need to in order to take care of yourself.
Everything is changing around you – and you are changing, too. In time, you will come to realize that you want to be with someone who desires the same things you do. This isn’t the man you are currently with, nor is it anyone who is around you now. You aren’t going to have to put a lot of effort into looking to meet him, because he will be the one who finds you. I don’t know what he does for a living, but whatever it is, it will bring him right to your door.
This new man has the freedom and capability to be your strength when you are weak, and share your joy when you are strong. In short, you will know without question that you are the love of his life, and there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you. He is divorced, with custody of his two children. You will become a family, in every sense of the word.
Sometimes, the future really does take care of itself. Your job right now is simply to take care of you and your changing life, day by day. It’s going to take time, but you will find happiness again.