Red Responds: Something’s Missing

Harini in California writes:

Will I find true love? I have had a few relationships in the past but each had ended in heartache. However, when I look back, it seems now that I wouldn’ t have been happy in those relationships. I am currently seeing someone. He seems to be a nice man with a good heart and I feel he does like me.

However, I see some spark or depth missing in this relationship. I am unable to convey this to him and in-part I’m scared to let go of this relationship, too. Why am I not attracting the right person? I feel my past loves never really understood me as a person and took me for granted. I’m also not very happy with my current job as an engineer. I plan to try out some other avenues like business or therapy work. Please let me know what is right for me.

Dear Harini,

You will find a man with whom to share your life, and you will love him. However, when you ask if you will ever find true love, I am compelled to ask what “true love” means to you. It isn’t the simplest question to answer, but it is a question worth pondering. So, if spending your life with someone who adores you, supports you, challenges you, and makes you feel safe – then yes, you will find true love.

It is good that you can see that the relationships of your past had their limitations. Even though they may have ended in heartache, they also held some happy and loving times. That’s the thing – each love we experience is different. It doesn’t make anyone’s love less true than another, just some loves and lovers are better suited to positive growth and change than others.

The gentleman you are currently with does care for you quite a bit, but he is not one who quickly lets his emotions run free. He has a very stable energy and is capable of loving deeply, but he offers a simmering love rather than one that burns wildly with passion. While it isn’t a bad relationship by any means, it also isn’t going to be your last relationship. However, I don’t see the two of you breaking up any time soon.

When it comes to relationships, you do seem to have a hard time expressing your desires and expectations. In order to secure the relationship, you seem to focus on what you believe your partner wants and needs, and this is the platform on which your relationship is built. With the passing of time you do wind up in a position to be taken for granted, because by the time you realize that your needs aren’t being met, the pattern of interaction has already been established. Break the pattern. Don’t be so afraid to express yourself. Share the real you with your current man. He is a good man, and if you open up a bit more, so will he.

You may not be thrilled with your job, but you are coming through as fortunately stable in very shaky times. While you would find much more personal joy in the therapy arena, that shift will require some training and pay cut. Because of that, I don’t see you heading in that direction. You have the skills and knowledge to work in several arenas of business, with particular strengths in project development, as well as accounting. Because you have the ability to succeed with whatever you put your mind to, I would like to encourage you to explore your entrepreneurial side. There are many things that you can “try out” on your own, without relinquishing your current security.

The best piece of advice I have for you, Harini, is to allow yourself to be happy. When you are truly happy with yourself, everything else will fall in place for you, including attracting the right people (and guy) into your life.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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