Vince in Schenectady writes:
Red, I have been seeing this woman on and off for going on four years. Every time things get going well, someone pops back into the picture. I know you said hang in there she is mine, but when do you see this all happening for me? Does she really want me and why can’t we lock the doors behind her for good. He calls and she reopens the door, and I sit on the back burner.
I know how much you love her, and I know how much she hurts you. Nevertheless, the outcome remains the same — she is eventually going to marry you. I’m not just holding onto past conversations or predictions, either. Even though it’s been a frustratingly rough ride, you two end up together in the end.
June still looks like the month when things really come together, and she starts settling down a bit more. Don’t be afraid to play a little hardball with her. She has it in her head that you are always going to be tolerant, and will continue to be there. Even though she is right, you need to continue to stand your ground, and enforce what you tell her. While I’m not telling you that you should give her an ultimatum, you should set your fear of losing her aside enough that you can express and show her that you aren’t happy with how she is treating you. It’s as if she doesn’t fully understand that there are risks and consequences for her actions.
You know her issues, and you also know that she isn’t the strongest or most up-front person when it comes to you, relationships in general, and the bigger decisions regarding her life in particular. I know you feel like it is always you getting the short end of the stick, but she jerks the other guy around too. She lets him wear her down, and he uses his son — her known weak spot — to step through the door again. She doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and has a hard time handling things properly because she struggles when people are mad at her. She kind of lives in her own little world, and tends to make up the rules as she goes along.
I wish it didn’t have to be so hard for you, but you chose a troubled woman. You know she has a very hard time finding and keeping enough strength to fully honor your relationship, but she will get there. When she does, she will be very clear in words and deeds, that she wants to be with only you. In the fall, September or October, you will marry this girl of yours with the eyes of an angel.
Hang in there, my friend. Happiness is coming!