Women Who Cheat and Leave

Mostly we hear (and talk) about the men who cheat on and leave their wives for other women. But, of course, women also cheat on and leave their husbands! The reasons for their behavior may seem quite different at times from those of men, but there’s always the same result – the pain and sorrow that comes from a betrayal of trust.

I’ve done readings for women who say that they have cheated on their husbands, right after they either discovered their husband had cheated on them or their husband had confessed to it. This could happen the other way around, I’m sure, with men taking “revenge” for what their wives had done, but it most often does seem to happen this way with women. Do women have affairs as revenge, or possibly to reassure themselves that they are still desirable, after their husband has been with another woman?

Women have told me, as well, that they have affairs because they feel emotionally distant from their husbands. They say that there is no communication in the relationship. Sometimes they feel that their sex lives are suffering as a result of the lack of communication, and engage in affairs to fulfill this need. Some even say that they still love their mate and don’t want him to find out about the affair, that they just want more emotional closeness and this is not necessarily even about the sex!

Life seems to slide by more swiftly after we reach a certain age. With women, this might be the landmark big three-O or even the big four-O. Whatever the age, some think that life is passing them by, and there is so much they still want to experience. They feel that they are missing out but at the same time don’t want to leave the “safety net” of their marriage without a satisfactory replacement lined up. When they find a satisfactory replacement, they’re gone. What they don’t realize is that their fears and emotional issues go right along with them.

And it has to be said – there is a small percentage of females who have affairs for the thrill. They believe that what their husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him. But it will hurt him, as unconditional love cannot be given to two (or more) men at the same time. In marriage we promise to forsake all others.

After my article “Men Who Cheat and Leave” appeared, I had a male caller who implied that I was critical of men who cheat but most likely would produce excuses for women who do the same. Not at all. I told him I thought it to be extremely destructive to a relationship, whether it be the husband or the wife. A relationship that works is where the needs of both parties are being met, or at least earnest efforts are being made by both sides to make it so.

We realize that men cheat and women cheat. Whether it be for revenge, to fill an emotional need, for a thrill to spice up what seems to be an otherwise boring life or a desire to experience it all before it’s too late, when one party cheats and the other is left to try to maintain the relationship, eventually there is nothing left to maintain. And that is just sad.


12 thoughts on “Women Who Cheat and Leave

  1. Delilah

    Wow, I didn’t know so many women think like the above posters. No wonder I meet so many good men who are burned from previous relationships. All of you sound so selfish and needy and “me me me” it’s ridiculous. This whole idea about another man ‘waking you up’ to what love and marriage should be. Let’s see how long that lasts.. it doesn’t sound like any of you put any work into your marriage. 🙁

  2. angelheart

    For me it is very simple a woman will cheat when she is unhappy with her partner ….
    When she is happy and she feels loved there is no need to look for love elsewhere.
    So when you want your wife to stay true to you then treat her good and never ever take her for granted ! Treat her like a lady and even when you have children then have a babysitter and make sure you have time for eachother every now and then and give her back that feeling when you were in love and not that you become mom and dad and nothing else is left of you both ! A few tips from a experienced life and mental coach .

  3. rm

    I dated a woman for two years. We were engaged, had picked out baby names and looked at churches.This is not to say we did not have our problems. We had a big fight before she left on a business trip.

    After she left for a business trip had me purchase a one way ticket and send my things to our new place. She did this even as she was cheating on me with her narcicistit deuchbag supervisor. Im at a huge loss….She cut off contact and had a month long affair with him. When she returned a day before my flight she sent a txt saying that she was safe and that she loved me. I learned later that she had intended to tell me in the airport as I got off the plane.

    I didnt go out of suspicion. She told me over the phone and after I puked myself and got up I heard her laughing and then she said ” you deserve it” After our relationship ended she started engaging in sex with risky sketchy partners, sending txt messages from random numbers even while she pursued her new relationship.

    I think she is with her supervisor now but I dont know that for sure. Im searching for meaning. Any insight into her behavior, particularly from women would be very helpful.

  4. 4urlove

    11 years long in the marriage to him was dissapointing. I had better expectations of him and I always stressed. We just couldn’t be on the same page on anything. It was clear that everything he did was not to my likeing but, I loved him because I knew he loved me sooo and he was a faithful husband. It wasn’t untill my husband ended up in prison for 3 years that I started cheating. Men knew my husband was away and that I needed to relieve my stress as they say. In the process I met a man that was seperated from his wife and he was going through a rough time. Like me he needed a friend with benefits. I fell in love with him because the sex was so good… My husband found out. I left my husband because of my cheating, I knew it had got out of hand and it was not fair to my husband and my marriage. Being with my lover felt so wrong but yet so right… When my husband came out of prison we got back together. You know what they say ” Forgive and Forget” Right? Wrong! He payed me back and real good too I may add… We got divorced 6 months after. I admit my faults and except my consequences. My ex-husband held and still after 3 and a half years divorced holds a grudge towards me. Aye, I’m not perfect. Lesson well learned. My next relationship I will have a positive attitude and pray and hope for the best. That our relationship be based on love, trust and blessings…

  5. hotnspicyinmich

    I was married to a man for 8 and half years, it was good at first then things got so good anymore, he didnt treat our boys right, i fell out of love him but stayed with him for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t until i lost my tragacily that i found myself and came to realize that i do not want to spend the rest of my life with a man i do not love. However during my deep depression over the loss of my mom i met a man that changed things and opened my eyes. Yes i cheated on my husband but at the same time he knew about it but i think he was hoping that it was a phase i was going thru and that i would come to my senses. But the other man gave me a sense of what i wanted out of life and what i didnt want. I left my husband and have gone thru many different bad things since my divorce to say the least but the one thing that i do not regret is leaving my husband. Yes i regret cheating on him but at the same time i found myself and now i am a much stronger woman because of everything that i have gone thru in life since my divorce. But on a flip side to things my ex husband and i are talking now and are becoming friends and were working together when it comes to our kids. So even though i cheated on him we are just now getting to a good point with each other. Its kind like getting a new friend and its nice to have someone to talk with that knows so much about how i am.

  6. chloechloe

    Excellent article Tansy!
    I do have another perspective on this however; while I don’t condone lying and betrayal within a marriage; I also think that sometimes when men or women cheat they are simply be honest with themselves. There are all kinds of truths in the world. Seeking what they need outside of that marriage may be their truth.

    If intimacy is lost in a marriage there may be any number of reasons why someone feels compelled not to end the marriage (i.e., children, possible financial ruin, etc).

    As psychics we get a unique glimpse into other people’s lives but ultimately no matter what we are able to see, no one ever really knows what’s going on in other peoples marriages.

    While it’s my belief that satisfying relationships are based on trust, we all have different ways of getting to those trusting relationships; sometimes an immense amount of trust can be built from the ruins and pain a betrayal may have caused. Deepening their appreciation of what it truly means to trust and love unconditionally. Other times, an affair can awaken someone to what they truly desire which may be lacking or altogether absent within their marriage. Who’s to say whether or not a marriage is worth saving?

    I make no judgments : ) The goal is Happiness!

    Happy Readings Everyone! ~Chloe ext. 9421

  7. Jai Krishna Ponnappanjaikrishna

    From the article,


    “When Jesus told Judas, ‘Do what you must do and do it quickly,’ that statement suggests that he had foreknowledge of what was about to occur – that a betrayal was imminent”

    Betrayals are strong and imminent among people who have a propensity towards it. You can see it coming even before you exchange words let alone vows with such a person. They have done it before and if you have psychic gifts you can see the trail of victims they’ve left behind since they were children. Circumstances build up towards the ultimate act itself and it may all seem very natural and understandable. There is very little good that can come out of rationalizing and explaining the cause of such behavior. Band aid fixes, damage repair and damage control are merely an ineffective cure for this disease. It takes a strong, loyal, sincere and committed human being with the best of integrity and self control to stand firm in faith for things like love, relationships and partnerships. But the truth is simple those who betray will betray. Old habits die hard for some, esp. the weak at heart and those who can’t control their own free will. In business they say once a traitor always a traitor. If you’ve done it once you’ll do it again and again. Selfishness and a false or poisoned sense of love based on expectations and self centeredness are at the roots of such people who do such things. Whether it’s Love, marriage, business or politics betrayals and traitors come with the same packaging and unwholesomeness. I’ve lost money to all forms of betrayers but more than that I lost my peace of mind, love and respect for the likes of such. I’ve come to read the likes of such from a safe distance. I learnt my lessons the hard way never to be betrayed ever again. I repeat to myself “Be careful who you place your trust in Jai. Meditate and pray that they’ll grow and mature into trust worthy individuals. Or prepare your Love to be the unconditional victim of their betrayals.” It’s the polar opposite personality traits of someone who is loyal, stead fast, firm and resolute. People such as Jesus who have abilities to bend time, karma and reality unconditionally, can see it coming from a distance both in time, deeds and truth. You must meditate on seeing it coming. You must learn or prepare to love unconditionally. You must learn to forgive. You must learn to face their fears, expectations, selfishness, jealousy and lack of respect and considerations with a strong sense of absolute and unconditional love. Love heals both the victim and the victimizer just as it heals the traitor in the hope that they’ll discover the truth in Love. For love heals all wounds both cheaters and their victims will eventually find out and karma will make the lessons come forth …be it in this lifetime or the next. Those who abandon the lessons of life, quit, loose and fail at accomplishing the karmic goals of their souls, they abandon their karma unresolved with a false sense of comforting and self gratifying closure. Those who quit never win in life. They set themselves up stronger for their next big failure. Those who leave will return to fight on the battle field of life someday; if not during this lifetime surely another is in the making at the hands of fate and Karma.

    – Blessings to everyone & my sincere and Unconditional Love to All those who have been victims and victimizers. 🙂

    P.S – Its ok, we are only human so let love fill up the cracks and gaps that plague our perfection and cause our inequity. Remember there is so much the bible doesn’t tell us about how much Jesus must have loved Judas unconditionally. Love leaves no stone left unturned; it makes no excuses when it changes everyone and everything that crosses its path.

  8. don0688

    I wasn’t going to leave a comment untill you made your comment about the guy who said you made it sound like woman have all these reasons for cheating so we can because were not fullfilled , so heres my comment you should slowly read your article to your self because that is exactley what you did , oh don’t get me wrong you try at the end of the article to say its wrong for who ever cheats but every thing else is tottally saying when woman cheat we have a good reason . I’ll let you decide when you re-read your article? AND JUST SO YOU KNOW NOT ALL MEN CHEAT, AND I THINK YOUR PERCENTAGES ARE A LOT OFF

  9. littlepinkdaisy

    If you are in a difficult situation like if your husband has mental problems and abuses you as a result and you’ve tried to work it out over the course of twelve years and have come to realize that he has mental problems and this will never change, then sometimes it is easier to just cheat and leave because you can’t have a conversation with a mentally challenged person. They just don’t get it. No problems will ever be solved. And I feel sad for my husband because he will be alone, but he makes my life so hard because of his mental shortcomings. I can’t travel with him because he will starve me, or leave me alone, abandoned with young children and no money and many other things are made so impossible like day to day living, cooking, cleaning, house repairs and decorations, finances, budgets, road rage, rage in crowds of people- pushing them out of the way, crashing into them and not appologizing, because he thinks he has the right of way. He has anger issues because he can’t reason and logic things out like so many other normal human beings. I have asked God to help me deal with this, and he responded by sending someone else my way. That is my answer. My husband will never change.

  10. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Tansy…..

    Excellent article……well said.

    I’ve always thought a couple should be required to obtain relationship counseling BEFORE they get married……

    it would teach them how important communication is….and how to debate an issue , rather than fight, argue over an issue.

    it would teach compromise

    it would red flag the little ” mole hills ” before they grow into mountains……

    and I think it would better prepare them to be able to handle the hard times…..that any relationship undergoes at some point or another.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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