Red Responds: Many Struggles to Face

Tine in Denmark writes:

I am a Danish woman having a relationship with an American man who is eight years younger than me. We have known each other for seven months now. I just got back from visiting him in the United States. When we are together I am in seventh heaven and we have no problem with solving whatever problems that may arise – but being apart we are not doing so well. He is separated from his wife and getting a divorce.

He is a kind and caring man, way too kind in my opinion, and seems to have a hard time with not listening to his wife and listening to himself instead. He is not doing anything to force the divorce through which is a huge problem for me. I have never been the patient type and this is really testing my patience. At this point I am way too attached to him, nothing seems right when he isn’t next to me and it is influencing my every day life.

Now I feel in my heart, body and soul that he is the one but what will the future bring me? Heartache and pain or heavenly bliss for us?
Dear Tine,

The relationship you have with this man is off to a good start, in spite of all the challenges that exist. However, I do have to warn you that the happy ending you are wanting is not necessarily carved in stone, because of the many struggles the two of you have yet to face.

The love you share with this man appears to be strong and true. The karmic ties that exist also bind him more tightly to you. The two of you were destined to meet and come together, but, whether this relationship endures or fails is largely the responsibility of each of you. The Universe has given you guys an opportunity – but she hasn’t given you an iron-clad guarantee.

Your lover is as attached to you as you are to him, so both of you are already in too deep to turn back now. That may seem scary, but it is also true. The distance and his divorce issues are challenges, but not unmanageable challenges. These are situations that properly dealt with can be overcome.

He is ending his marriage, and the divorce will evolve and come through. But this is HIS marriage and divorce, not yours, so accept that he is going to handle it his way, even if that way doesn’t agree with you. It is going to take time, but should be nearing completion this fall, so prepare yourself as best as you can to endure. Just because you want what you want, when you want it – doesn’t mean that it’s going to work that way.

Your boyfriend does what he can to reassure you of his love and intentions to be with you. His kind and caring nature is one of the things that you adore about him, but these character traits of his aren’t reserved solely for you. He is not you, and is not going to react or handle things the same way you would, even if you think your way is best. Unfortunately, your patience is a requirement for the success of this relationship. Your impatience only causes distress – for both of you.

When you express displeasure of how he is handling things on the home front, you are sending him the message that not only do you not trust him, but also that he is not living up to your expectations. Things seem to come out a bit more harsh or direct than you intend, so it isn’t just your words you need to watch. Your insecurity is what wants him to wage war on his soon to be ex – something he is doing his best to avoid. Try and reign it in, because if you keep letting this get to you, you are going to create more problems than you avoid. Bending to your will doesn’t prove that he loves you, nor does trying to get him to bend prove your love for him. Love isn’t about control, it’s about freedom.

Patience may not be one of your stronger virtues, but intelligence is. So, think before you speak, and look at things from all sides, and you increase your chances of avoiding heartache and bringing about the happy ending you both are striving for.

Good luck!
Ext. 9226

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