Mary in Canada writes:
I am at a juncture in my life where I see roads heading in many directions. I am utterly confused. My instincts say one thing but the most important people in my life another. I have become a nervous, inconfident human being from a confident, go-getter, successful and hugely positive person that I was. Sometimes I feel a disconnect with myself. I know that I have been honest in my life and with myself. Yet, I have a gut feeling that I might not succeed in my venture.
All I wanted was for me to transcend myself and do something monumental with my life. I feel it’s a gift from the Universe and I should strive to achieve something by living up to my potential and make my loved ones proud of me. Looking back at the last 15 years of my life, I see all the opportinities that came my way and those that I missed because either I gave priority to someone else’s dreams or I was disrespectuful of time. When young, one feels that time will always be on their side and opportunities will keep coming. Gradually this lack of inaction to live my ambition and dreams built to such an extent that I took an extreme step of veering towards my goal realization without my husband’s full support.
Now things don’t seem to be working out the way I wanted but I am perservering and hopeful. I don’t know where I went wrong. I need help, guidance and direction. Looks like I am the only one who thinks I am in the right, everyone else thinks otherwise although they verbally support me. At this juncture, I feel lonely and sometimes directionless.
I’m always harping and preaching about the need for people to trust their instincts, and you should continue to trust yours. However, you also need to give yourself a little slack – your fear of failing and being judged by others is coloring your perception of yourself.
Reflecting on your past can be a valuable tool to understanding how you arrived at this point in time, and also motivation for you to keep on your current path. Very few things that are truly meaningful come easily, or in the time frames we would like to see them manifest. Thinking back on time wasted or unappreciated only serves to awaken your consciousness to how valuable every moment is. Don’t look back with regret – while you may have chosen not to exercise some opportunities, it does not negate that your time was well spent.
Things may not be working out quite the way you had originally envisioned, but that does not mean that things will not work out. Quite the contrary. While your original goal remains the same, you need to be more flexible concerning the path of creation. Your idea will evolve, but it does seem to be a bit of a path of trial and error. It is through this process that success and perfection will be achieved.
In November of 2009 you will have support, I see a diversified group of people who wish to be a part of your endeavor. While this may cost you some autonomy and creative control, it is also the dynamic that takes you from feeling like you are spinning your wheels to knowing you will succeed. While it isn’t clear to me exactly what you’re up to, I can assure you that this endeavor of yours will attract a lot of interest, and people will know your name. It’s not fame in the movie-star sense, but there will be some publicity involved.
Your friends and family do support you, they just don’t fully understand your vision. This isn’t about who is right and who is wrong, this is about you allowing yourself to create and follow your spirit, wherever it leads. When you have faith in yourself, things will start to flow more productively. Don’t let the doubts of those who are too afraid to step outside of their conventional boxes draw you back into yours. You’ve struggled too hard to get things in motion, and now you have no choice but to trust your instincts and proceed.