Tina in Averill Park writes:
I am in a relationship that is moving very slowly. While I believe this is the best way for the relationship to develop a strong foundation, I have nothing concrete to tell me if this is the right one for me. When we are together I know that this is right and this is where I want to be. But when we are not together the same old stinking thinking rears its ugly head and I end up doubting myself and his feelings for me.
I know you are supposed to listen to your gut but my gut is just as confused, at times telling me that, yes, in fact I have finally found him and then other times it is telling me to cut my losses and move on. My problem? I am so confused that I do not trust what I am feeling. Can you shed some light onto this for me?
I have to give you credit for paying attention to your gut, but I totally understand why you are confused. Not everything is always as it seems, and your confusion, head and gut, is simply because you have a choice.
Even though your relationship seems to be moving painfully slowly, it is moving forward. The rightness you feel when you are with this man is because you two are very compatible, and a strong and lasting bond is being formed. The doubts and insecurities that you face when you are apart is definitely head inspired, and your gut tells you to cut and run because you aren’t certain that you want to commit to the time that needs to be invested to define and solidify this relationship to its fullest potential.
The easiest way to clear up at least some of the confusion is conversation. Talk to your man! Tell him how you are feeling, and what you would like out of this relationship. He will put forth the effort to make you feel a little more certain and secure, which in turn will help you decide if you really want to invest more time and energy into growing this relationship.