Red Responds: Looked for an Evolved Relationship

Judy in Spain writes:

This is going to sound crazy, but all the men who have been attracted to me and have come into my life over the past few years have ultimately felt like some kind of teaching or nursing “assignment.” Over and over I have been deeply drawn to them and opened my heart only to find that once they have been focused on and acknowledged, or their hurt has been healed, or they have learned to open their own hearts to me, they have been wafted out of my life again. I am happy to help anyone, and I am honored if my life purpose is to be a kind of spiritual auxiliary to those who find it hard to express love, but can I still dare to hope for the chance to enjoy an evolved and mutually supportive relationship for myself ?

Dear Judy,
Teaching and healing may be part of your life’s mission, but it doesn’t have to be the underlying criteria for partnership. Simply put, you are drawn to the wounded. You have a great deal of empathic energy that combines with your compassionate nature, creating a magnetic force that draws the scarred and stunted to you. While you may realize this on some level, you tend to dismiss it, and look beyond… into who the person really is or could be. Their potential is attractive to you, and you are generous in understanding and helping others to find themselves or their inner strength. This is a beautiful sentiment, but it does not bode well for a balanced relationship. Granted, you help get these men back on track and closer to where they need to be, but that doesn’t mean that they are going to catch up or want to stick around and build a healthy relationship with you.

Aim higher. When you feel the stirrings of interest and attraction, quit thinking in terms of “we” and start thinking in terms of “me.” What does the gentleman of the moment bring to the table? What is it that he can teach or heal within you? Most importantly, how will he challenge you to grow? By asking yourself these simple questions, based on what he presents as he is at that moment, (we’re all works in progress) you can better ascertain if this is someone you can build a relationship with – or if he’s another project your heart yearns to improve.

As much as we’d like to believe we are all equals, the truth is: we aren’t. Even though you yearn for a partner that doesn’t need “fixing,” you fear that if you aren’t in healing mode, you are somehow failing that person. Let go of that fear. Open yourself to finding people who not only can teach you a thing or two, but also have the ability and desire to heal and elevate you.

You will find a partner in a lover, one who will grow with you. He is a man who doesn’t need your healing touch, he only wishes to be with you. He appears to be a few years your junior, but his soul is very old. This won’t be a love at first sight kind of attraction, but he will pursue you with romantic flair – and will win you over in spite of yourself. It’s okay if you don’t recognize him as your mate at first, because he will recognize you. Oh, and when you feel the tingle of attraction starting to brew, go through the above questions. The answers you come up with will be excitingly new.

Good luck,
Ext. 9226

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