Patty in Belgium writes:
I recently got what many people are hoping for: I got back together with my ex. Although this is something I had been hoping for, for many years, now I’m not sure if it’s a dream come true or if I’m just dreaming and living in a fantasy world based on a connection that is more of the past rather than the present. Is it really beneficial for me right now and do we still have a future together?
Sometimes reality does seem to pale in comparison with our self-created fantasies, as seems to be the case in your situation. People change, and fantasies are made to our specifications, so when the fantasy actually becomes a reality, we often feel confused or let down.
Much of your “new beginning” is based on your past connection to this man. The memories and the fantasies are definitely playing a part in the construction of the present. Even though the two of you have a shared history, you still need to re-learn and rediscover each other. Be prepared to face some ups-and-downs and challenges along the way.
I do see that you have a future with this man, but how long of a future is pretty much up to you. You can make this relationship work long-term, but it doesn’t look as if you are going to want to. It looks as if you are going to give this relationship energy and effort, but in the end, it feels more draining than rewarding. Should you decide that is the case, this will be the final ending of romantic ties between the two of you. Even though endings are often sad, they aren’t always bad. Sometimes in life we have to revisit the past in order to finally and fully be free to embrace the future.