Debi in Sand Springs writes:
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time with a man for the last seven months. Nothing has ever happened between us other than we’ve become great friends. Our kids get along. We actually met when my son and his eldest son played baseball together. Just before the holidays, I happened to find out that he was seeing someone. I’ve asked him out several times but he told me that he wasn’t ready for anything serious. I was very upset to find out, mostly because he didn’t tell me. I’ve fallen in love with this man and his boys. I’m just wondering if I should back away and let this other relationship either work out and fizzle and die, or should I fight for the man that I love? I don’t want him to come to hate me. I’m just wondering if we would ever have a chance at a lasting relationship or will it just remain a friendship?
There is a true and solid friendship that exists between your two families, and that is a beautiful thing. The bad news, however, is it is just a friendship.
Right now, you have no choice but to back off and let this man experience his current romantic relationship. When he looks at you, he sees a trusted and valued friend – a woman that he enjoys spending time with. The more you try to turn this friendship into something else, the less likely it is that it will ever happen. If you choose to “fight for the man you love,” I’m afraid you will cross some boundaries and end up looking to him as if you are some kind of psycho chic. Do yourself a favor – avoid that!
Your guy is still searching for something that he believes is missing in his love arena. Unfortunately, he has yet to look your way romantically to see if you can fill that void.
While I don’t see his current relationship lasting into eternity, you need to prepare yourself for the fact that it is likely to last through the summer and into this fall. Brace yourself, because you will actually see the two of them together.
Even though his methods are rather passive/aggressive, he has made his position clear. For him, the magic just isn’t happening. That is something you can’t create, and it is completely outside of your control.
It is going to be hard for you to maintain this friendship, because your feelings run so much deeper. It may be wise of you to step back for a while, and try and let your heart heal.
I’m sorry, but the best thing you can do for yourself is let go and move on.