Barb in Jackson writes:
My son, Andrew, was involved in a relationship that ended early this summer when the mother of his children left because of another man. He has been on a downward spiral ever since and just a few days ago told us he felt that he has ruined his life and doesn’t know how to stop and feels that he should just disappear. After talking, he then told us he wants help but he can’t do it himself, so we are trying to find him the help he needs. Do you see things working out for him? Can he overcome this and handle the reprisals of what has already happened? His children adore him – will he ever have the happy family he craves with a “good” woman who will care for him? He has always been a kind, loving person who likes everyone and who everyone likes, the one that strangers on the street feel drawn to stop and talk to. I appreciate any insight you can give me. Thank you for sharing your gift with all that you do.
Your son has a rough road winding out in front of him, but he will make it through. It’s going to take time, therapy and a lot of your support – but he will find his place in life once again.
Your son is suffering from depression, confusion and a whole lot of pressure. Counseling will help him to sort many things out and begin to see things clearly once again. When his “wife” left him, it pretty much shattered his world. He still doesn’t understand what went wrong, and he certainly doesn’t understand how he could have been replaced so easily. While he may never fully understand that, he will learn how to deal with it from a stronger position. Right now he is feeling like a victim, and has allowed his pain and anguish to be the predominant force in his life.
Your son has always been a bit emotionally fragile, and this whole experience for him has been the proverbial straw that has broken the camel’s back. In a way, as painful as it is, this is a good thing. Because he will be in counseling, the process will allow him to emerge stronger. He has struggled with self-esteem issues for years, and this blow surely didn’t help him any.
Your son has made some poor decisions over the last few months, but these situations will be handled. He will learn to see that even though he has made mistakes, he doesn’t have to keep repeating the same process. It’s going to be tough for him, but he will ultimately do the right things.
While your son may carry the scars of this abandonment for a lifetime, I do not see him going through life alone. He will find a “good” woman who will love him – but that isn’t going to be for a while yet. I see her entering the picture only after he has pulled himself, and his life, back together.
Continue to do what you can to support him through this difficult time and help him to find his inner strength. Nice guys don’t always finish last – sometimes they just need a little help to realize that they are in a race.