Cheryl in Bridgewater writes:
I read your responses regularly, and am inspired to stick things out and keep trying. Recently you stated that “Life is what you make of it.” I have always believed this and work every day to that end. Right now I am struggling because I will be leaving my husband of 20+ years because of his continued affairs and lack of respect and concern for us. I believe he is deeply troubled, but I no longer love him nor can I pull him up out of his despair. I’m tired. Please guide me in what you see happening in this situation. I fear his anger and have two boys that will need me to help them through this as well. Will I finally find the peace, security and love that I know I deserve in life? Please guide me through this rough spot so that I can continue to create my destiny and find the light at the end of this dark tunnel.
You have everything you need in place for the life that you desire to unfold. I know that sounds like the saying on a card that would pop out of one of those fortune-telling machines, but it is so true!
I know you are tired, and you’ll continue to be tired for a bit longer. Peace and rejuvenation are just around the corner for you. When you decide to make a major life change, it really does change your life. The process is usually a difficult one, even when you know you are doing the right thing. And you, my friend, are doing exactly what needs to be done.
Your soon-to-be ex-husband is no longer your responsibility. He has made his choices, chosen his path and now needs to deal with the consequences and navigate the future on his own. You’ve done all you can for him for the sake of your family, and now the time has come for you to take care of you.
You come through as a good mom, and living arrangements aren’t going to change that. The best thing you can do to help your boys is to encourage them to accept their father as he is. Your kids may only be young men, but each of them has more understanding and knowledge about your marital situation than you think. They are pretty strong kids, and your honesty keeps them grounded, even if they don’t like aspects of the situation. They will deal, as they have been, and continue to adjust.
It looks like peace will wash over you like a waterfall. A sense of accomplishment and victory is coming – giving you back a whole lot of energy and a brighter view of your life. While I do see that you will be alone for a while, I don’t see you as being lonely. It is going to be more of a healing time, and time for you to enjoy life without the restrictions you have grown pretty accustomed to. Love does lie in your future. After a couple of not-quite-right guys, you will find your partner. I’m not getting very much detail about him, except he is pretty much the man you dream about. This will be a relationship based on a heightened kind of love.
I don’t know if any of this helps you or not. Simply put, you are doing just fine on your own. For many people, things tend to get worse before they get better. For you, (and I believe it is because of your outlook and the way you live your life) the darkness seems to be behind you, and you are only a couple of steps away from walking out of the tunnel.