Adnana in Chicago writes:
I was with my ex off and on for three years. According to a psychic reading I had a couple of weeks ago, we are supposed to get back together. I was just wondering if he’s the one because I can’t get over him no matter how many times he cheats or lies. Is he the one, and is he ashamed of having me in his life?
I also see that you will be getting back together with your ex. As badly as he treats you, your love for him is strong and real. The problem is, the two of you seem to be caught in a pattern, and the same cycle is about to repeat.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: “Just because he may be the one, doesn’t mean that he’s the only one.” I hope that you will take some time and really think about that.
There are many Karmic ties that bind you to this guy, and keep bringing the two of you back together. But, you have the choice – to take him back into your life and honor the love that you feel for him, or to refuse his advancements and honor yourself until such time that he can prove that he will love and respect you in the manner you deserve.
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have to allow them to mistreat you and repeatedly cause you pain. You have more control over your life than you realize. You can keep doing the same things and getting the same results, or you can change the plan.
If you can tolerate being cheated on, lied to and disrespected – then yes, he is the one for you. Keep taking him back, and in roughly six more years, the man will start to settle down and treat you a little better. Right now, he has no incentive to change his ways or even look at what he’s doing, because he counts on being able to come back to you. The boundaries you set, you fail to uphold, so the consequences to him are quite manageable, in his opinion.
While he may be slightly ashamed of you in terms of who he is willing to bring you around, the bigger issue is his lack of respect for you as a woman and a person. It lets him play you, and you accept it.
Your man has issues. His issues have become your issues. While I don’t see him doing anything to better himself, I want to encourage you to better yourself. This is your life. You have a choice of how much crap you are willing to take, what boundaries and limitations you set on your happiness. You have to live with those choices. You can’t change the man, but you can change how you deal with him, and how much power he holds over your life.
I know that you want to be with him, that you want things to work out. If you hold to this path, you will get what you want, but the road is long, hard and painful.
“Getting over” someone is always a hard and painful task, and sometimes a process that is never quite complete. But, just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have to surrender your life and happiness to that love. You can love him forever, and still find someone else who loves you enough to treat you right and make you happy – but only if you believe you deserve love and joy in your life.
Love yourself as much as you love him, Adnana, and your whole world will change.