Red Responds: He Is Just a Pen Pal

Michele in Albany writes:

I have been having an online relationship with a guy for 11 months and we still haven’t met. I feel we do have a connection, but he is a workaholic. I would like to know if you see him making time to be with me or if there is someone else out there for me instead? Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I really feel drawn to this man.

Dear Michele,

The relationship you have with this man does serve a purpose – he is essentially your pen-pal. But, there are more reasons than work that the two of you have yet to meet.

While you can learn a lot about a person through correspondence, you are only going to know them as much or as little as they allow. Yes, both of you look forward to the communication you share, and a friendship does exist between the two of you.

I don’t dispute that this man is a workaholic, he is. But, he also has time in his life for other people, and other relationships. Meeting you in person really isn’t a priority – it’s something he would like to do some day…

You need to look at this relationship for what it is, and what it offers. He eases your loneliness and gives you something to do. By looking at this relationship through idealistic eyes, you are keeping yourself from meeting someone who you can connect with, and will actually want to spend time with you, face-to-face.

I’m not saying that you have to give up your friend, but I am encouraging you to be open and seek out guys who are willing to put forth more effort than your pen-pal does. There are better things (and better men) out there, it’s just going to take a while before you find what you are looking for.

Best of luck to you.

Brightest Blessings,
Ext. 9226

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