Robin in Thornton writes:
I am very much in love with a man who is living with another woman. He says that they are nothing more then just friends and for the most part I do believe him, he has always said that he is a one woman man. My main problem is that when we get together it is always at my place never at his. He says it is because he does not want to make her feel uncomfortable. Should I trust what he is telling me and do you see this woman moving out anytime soon?
Love truly can be blinding, especially when we want so badly to believe that the person we have given our heart to is actually worthy of the gift.
There is a much larger problem in this relationship than just holing up at your place. While your man is a nice enough guy to be around, he seriously needs to stop in at Red’s Spine and ‘Nad store, because he is definitely lacking a “pair.”
This man gives you nothing, brings nothing to this relationship other than pure emotion. That in itself is not a bad thing in the least – but it is problematic when he isn’t man enough to create the changes in his life and living situation to allow what the two of you share to become a full relationship.
What we have here is a win-win for him. He has a comfortable home with a woman he is used to, but is not in love with. He has love with you, but has to put forth absolutely nothing to maintain and nurture it. It’s all payday for him.
I see that you are afraid to push this issue with him, because you fear losing him. Straight up, you can’t lose a person who loves you enough to fight to hold onto you. But this guy will take the path of least resistance, stay with what is easy and less demanding.
I know you really want to trust in him and believe that his living situation is honestly the way he presents it. It is close to his description, but not quite. There is more going on than he shares with you. Furthermore, why aren’t you furious with him that his priority is what is comfortable to his roommate? You are the woman with whom he shares his plans and dreams, so why isn’t your level of comfort the priority? I really want you to think about that objectively, removing all the excuses and justifications.
Robin, you need to take a step back and decide what you really want and feel you deserve in a relationship. If you play this game long enough, another six months at the very least, she will move out. Be warned, though, this is only one step. His connection to her isn’t going to go away that quickly. She will still be a part of, and involved in, his life.
You have some tough choices and times lying in front of you with the course and direction of this relationship. The writing on the wall says that with this “one woman man,” you are number two.
Good luck to you.