Red Responds: A Bittersweet Vision

Margaret in Redwood City writes:

What happens when you have broken up with a lover and gone back to another? And you cannot seem to get over the other lover even though you have wanted to. Also, the other lover has gone back to his girlfriend and if I saw him again he would still want me. I do not really want to see this guy again even though I cannot seem to move on. I want to though.

Dear Margaret,

What happens between two people after a breakup really depends on which two people we’re talking about. That question has an infinite amount of answers. What I see for you in this scenario is much more concise, although difficult.

It is a very sad situation when two people love each other, yet cannot make a success of the relationship. This seems to be the case between you and your ex-lover. While in the land of fantasy, each of you can envision a future with the other. The vision is bittersweet; tainted with pain.

I hope, for your sake, that you do not see your ex again – but I see that you eventually will. While it is very likely that a whirlwind affair will ensue, I’m not seeing a happy ending for the two of you. Sometimes love, no matter how deeply it runs, simply isn’t meant to be.

Even though you are currently in a relationship with another, it appears that you are merely going through the motions. While you have feelings for this man, I feel an undercurrent of being with him is simply better than being alone. You can continue down this path, pretty much indefinitely, if that is what you want. It will work. But, this relationship also seems to be a constant reminder of the love that is lost; creating additional obstacles to your healing process and your desire to move on in your life.

If I were you, Margaret, I would find a therapist to help sort through all these emotions. You come through as so unhappy; and for more reasons than just the issue at hand. Therapy will help you to understand and accept the past and ease the burden of the present. It is your unhappiness that has you holding onto your ex and those memories so tightly. You need to learn how to loosen your grip if you sincerely want to learn how to let go.

Brightest Blessings
Ext. 9226

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