Sheryl of Calhoun writes:
I’ve been finding little hints that my husband is involved with an Internet dating service and communicating with women online and on his cell phone. I don’t know if he pursues them. I have been with this man since I was 16 years old he was 25. Now I am 36 and he is 45. We were married 12 years ago. Do I have to worry? Is it time to move on? He has been so unpredictable lately and it’s tearing me apart. We have two children together, both girls. I know that this is more than a mid-life crisis, and yes, he has cheated in the past. So I guess I have answered my own question. Move on and get out if I want true happiness, ahh!
Sometimes there is a huge gap between knowing what to do, and turning that knowledge into action. Your husband, while he does love his family, isn’t going to change his ways in order to improve the situation. While he is capable of putting up a temporary facade, he will continue feeding his ego by going outside of the marriage.
Trying to keep your family together is noble, but it isn’t going to work out happily if you are the only one putting forth honest effort. You’ve got a bit of a rough road ahead of you. While your husband is sneaking around trying to feel like more a man, bide your time and plot your escape. In many ways, your husband treats you as if you were a bit stupid. Use that to your advantage.
The day will come when you will steel your spine and pack his bags. I know you’d like to hang in there until the girls are older, but I really don’t see that happening. A family breakup is always hard, but your girls will be able to deal with the changes that will come. It seems as if your older daughter will require a bit more love and support than your younger one, but ultimately, each of them will adjust and be okay.
Time is on your side. Even though the whole situation stinks, focus on creating your future path rather than torture yourself over what he is currently doing. You can’t stop him, and he isn’t going to stop of his own free will. When the time comes, I see you as fully capable, prepared, and ready to embrace a new life that will meet your expectations of love and happiness.