Alisoni in California writes:
I have moved from the UK with my husband and children to the US to start a new life and business. I am going out of my mind with worry and feel I have lost everything I ever had e.g. house and friends. My husband and I are not getting along anymore now that he has settled out here. What’s ahead for us as a family?
Welcome to America! You have made some huge and life-altering changes and it is going to take some time to adapt and settle in. While you may be feeling like you’ve lost everything right now, keep in mind this is the Land of Opportunity.
This transition has been tough on all of you, but as a family, you will prevail and come through intact. First of all, you are homesick. This is quite understandable, even if your husband doesn’t get it. It will take time, but eventually you will feel like this is home, too.
Do what you can to keep in touch with all the friends you’ve left behind – distance doesn’t have to lead to severing bonds. Don’t look at them as lost, because they are still there for you, just not in the same fashion. While it is going to be a bit challenging for you to make new friends, you will.
As the business grows (and it will), you will once again have a house and the all the material trappings. On the material plain, you and your family will eventually be living better than you ever had before, or ever hoped to. However, that is going to take time.
Your main focus right now should be on the relationship with your husband. He isn’t quite as settled in as he seems, and your apparent unhappiness is adding to the current state of turbulence in your marriage. He feels responsible for your misery and doesn’t know what to do about it. He feels the same pressure and stresses that you do. He just hides it much better and deals with it differently.
All of you came here for a better life. Many things are very different from what you are accustomed to. That’s a lot of stress and adaptation for everyone. Throw in financial stresses and concerns, feeling lost and lonely, and it is bound to bleed over into your marriage.
While you cannot snap your fingers and change your circumstances, you can change how you react to them. When was the last time your man saw you smile? Take a break from reality and worry for just one hour, and truly focus on your husband. Show him that he is more important to you than anything else you are dealing with, and the two of you can begin to realign your unity and heal the relationship.