Please, please, please help me. I know this sounds awfully desperate, but I am. I am in a very difficult place with my boyfriend and though I love him very much, I am really struggling over whether to stay or to leave. We have been together for three and a half years, and I have adored him the entire time. And while we have had issues because of his fear of commitment, I have always strongly believed that we would overcome that. Well, a few months ago, I discovered that he had an email relationship with another woman for a big part of our relationship and that when we broke up he slept with her. And in that instant, my certainty that we would have the happy future we planned disappeared. Please, tell me if you see him being sincere in all the efforts he has made to help me through this. And if you see us working through our issues and being together, or if it is time to mourn this loss and move on. Please, I really need some guidance.
Terri in Philadelphia
You’ve been asking for signs, and ignoring them when they appear. You’ve got good intuition, and your gut is telling you that it is time to move on. I happen to agree.
While your boyfriend is sorry, does have love for you, and really wants you to be okay; I don’t see this relationship evolving to fulfill your higher hopes. He does have some serious fear of commitment. Fear of committing to you. It’s like he thinks he will be able to do it “someday”… but that day doesn’t seem to be coming. Wanting and wishing isn’t going to help him move forward.
When you discovered this man’s other relationship, you had a moment of clarity of who he truly is. I know that’s rude, but the truth isn’t always pretty. Don’t let him play you. While it may not be his conscious intention, it does seem to be the result. The problem is, he questions whether you truly are the one for him. Because of this, he can step up to the plate for a while, but then he backs off.
It’s time to quit struggling. Accept the answer you’ve known. All I’ve done is give you confirmation.