Sex Q&A: What Happened to His Sex Drive?

He’s 28 and Has No Interest in Sex?

Nikita asks:

How can I deal when the sexual desire in my husband is 10 times less than mine and we are only 28?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Nikita. Your situation is a difficult one and unfortunately it’s not nearly as atypical as might be assumed. Mismatches in sexual ardor are not at all uncommon in marriage. Partners often lose their sexual intensity as cyclic mating rhythms rise and fall.

But when one person remains sensual and open to new variations of the initial chemical bond while the other shrugs and turns back to the sports page, it can be more than a bit frustrating. In your case, there seem to be a combination of factors at play. First, there is no doubt that the energy of your husband holds a definite disinclination toward the sensual. But I feel the real problem lies in a universal phenomenon I call Docile Male Syndrome. Thanks to mass industrialization and the corporate beast devouring its way through the human collective, men have lost their balls. No other way to say it.

Think D.H. Lawrence, or the movie Fight Club. Men are encouraged to display their masculinity by destroying themselves in every submissive, weak-willed way imaginable and as a consequence, men aren’t men anymore—not in the bedroom or anywhere else. Can you believe we live in an age where men have to take synthesized testosterone supplements and Viagra in order to perform as nature intended? At 28 your poor husband is on the fast track to being a eunuch.

Now, though it is true that you may always be more sexual than this man, there’s no reason to give up hope. All we need is to help him find an inner connection to his Yang side. One of things I always ask when a woman tells me her man is having sexual issues is how active he is in general? Is he athletic? Does he run, or play basketball, or do any other really physical activity on a regular basis? The cure for male problems of all sorts is often very simple once any underlying health issues are ruled out. There is a drastic rise in of all sorts of Yang chemicals including testosterone that comes with certain forms of endurance-focused exercise.

If you want your man to be more sexual, to perform better and want sex more often, then get him off his ass and out the door to either hit the road or go to the gym. If he won’t work out on his own, find a sport he’s interested in and watch some with him. Then suggest the two of you play it together. Tennis comes to mind in this case as a wonderful sport for couples to pursue together. Beyond encouraging him to be more physical, you need to open up the sensual conduits around your home. You can do all sorts of things in your environment to induce a more sensual atmosphere. Go primal in your diet. Use scents that are sexual and inviting like Vanilla and Jasmine and Cypress. Utilize sound, playing music with tribal tones and low sultry rhythms in the background. And for heaven’s sake, keep being sexy yourself. Remember that nicey-nice, good girl stuff does not work when you’re trying to spice up a marriage. It’s too much work for a man to have to court and conquer a sweet little virgin over and over. Become a wanton woman and he’ll respond much better. Good Luck.


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