When Life Gives You Lemons

Staying Positive at All Costs!

How do you do it? How do you remain the positive, upbeat person you’re meant to be, when you, yet again, lost in life? And when that promotion, job offer, boyfriend, girlfriend, house or apartment you wanted and deserved, again, sailed out of reach? Why should you not stomp your foot and complain for a while about the injustice of it all? Or why not keep complaining and keep holding on to all the missed chances and opportunities that escaped you, all your life?

Why is it so important to remain positive? Why shouldn’t we all just give in, cry over spilled milk and wallow in self-pity? After all, we deserve to have the very best, no matter how much we contribute—or don’t, for that matter. Why? Because our society teaches us that it is OK to have a sense of entitlement and that nothing is our fault.

The simple answer is that acting like a martyr will only turn you into an eternal victim; and no one likes those. People like that project their negativity and crappy outlook about 100 miles ahead of them; and unless you are not OK in the head, you’ll run when you see them coming. Plus, holding on to negativity will only produce more of it. In addition, it will make you physically, emotionally and mentally ill. Obsessing over anything is not a great thing and when one obsesses over bad stuff it only gets worse.One of the great ways of letting go is to lose one’s attachment. I have found that my life is what I make it and that I do attract what I want, about 80% of the time. But there are those other 20% that, for no apparent rhyme or reason, don’t work out. There are failures in my life and there are losses and there is no lottery that made it happen. I wasn’t punished by a higher being. And even though life is predominantly what I make it, there is always a bit of the unknown involved.

On the bright side, almost every single time I have “lost” something, I gained something of higher value. Hence, letting go of bad relationships and those who didn’t fit with who I am, led to me finding my husband; he is the one who does fit and does belong with me.

I got laid off by Yahoo; not one of my fondest memories and yet one of the most liberating moments in my life. Of course, it took me over 2 years to figure this out!

I have experienced tons of losses in my life. Some of them I was responsible for, others were out of my control. It took me almost 20 years to learn that my unhealthy attachment to anyone or anything was causing me nothing but heartache. I enlisted the help of a professional to help me get over some of these issues, but the rest I did on my own. I was determined to be the positive, upbeat person I felt I was meant to be; not the negative, nay-saying, scared and insecure person I had become. I was tired of feeling powerless, out of energy and a bit like a loser, especially since none of these statements were particularly true (well, they were in my head).

I started focusing on the things I did have, could do and that were in my control. I had control over how I felt physically. All I had to do is get my butt up and start working out; and I had to stop shoving cheeseburgers and fries down my throat. I had control over how much sad memories from the past were controlling me; after all, there are plenty of therapists in Los Angeles. I had control over the friends I picked and with how much BS I was willing to put up. I had to set my boundaries, and if I didn’t know how to set them, darn it, I was determined to figure out how to do it properly.

Do I get whatever I want? Hardly! Do I get what I want most of the time? Definitely! The world hasn’t changed and neither did the people in it. There are still a lot of whining, irresponsible, pretentious and ignorant jerks wandering around; namely the kind that can still drive me up the wall. However, I don’t need to get affected by them. They can live in jerkland all by themselves, while I go ahead and live the life I truly do deserve.

What has changed is how I perceive my life, my choices, my power and myself. All the dorky clichés, i.e. “when life gives you lemons make lemonade,” do apply for me now. The glass is half full, the glasses are rose colored and yet, I’m not a naïve Kool Aid drinker who read one too many self-help books.

What do I have that the sad, miserable folks do not? I have hope and I have a ton of tools under my belt that I didn’t have before. I know that no matter how bleak a situation may appear, I can turn it around!

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11 thoughts on “When Life Gives You Lemons

  1. cliff owens

    hi there readers, in nov 09 i had a good and steady decorating buisness,i then learnt through some mri scans due to back pain i had three fractures in my spine in may 2010 i recieved an operation bolt, screws,plates,rods atatched an bone graft from my hip to the base of my spine,was in severe pain,the surgeon told me that it was 50/50 to return to work,being selfemployed an carrying out most myself,i thought this is me finished,physio explained that untill i walk the stairs i would stay in hospital ,i looked round me that night at other patients an said to myself iam getting out of here,next morning i was on a simmer frame towards the stairs,the stairs came an went,i got out 5 days later,was told i wouldnt drive again for at least 3mths,i was out driving my second week ,dont get me wrong this stage i was taking long release an slow release morphine and was in major pain but i wanted to beat the words of the surgeon an the negative thoughts that reocured with the tears day in day out,i didnt wait for my family to come an see me i went a seen them,from then i have had a son in june 2010,i lost my house,my material things,an july past my so called partner,but heres the thing, i have returned to body building,i have a wonderful family,and five great kids ,i have a house, not as big as my previous one , but iam moving forward and im thinking positive with the guidence of spirit,i hope by chance this helps anybody reading that there is always light at the end of the tunnel l&l .

  2. Jan Shah

    i loved this article. its is so true. being positive in the face of scary circumstances has the ability to even change the outcome of it. and Letting go has always been hard for me and still is a work in progress but by letting go, you allow positive energy to come into your life. Holding on to anything to tightly traps that energy and doesnt allow new things into your life.

    wonderful article. :)))

  3. inna claire

    ye! when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. looking at the brighter side of things, being positive in evrything you do. i love this article. more power to you Ms. Carmen & your staff. Thanks!

  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,

    Another great article !!!

    Learning how to survive, pick yourself up and go forward, can be very rewarding when you have overcome your obstacles, and then look back with self confidence and pride in your achievement.

  5. Jacqueline

    Hi Carmen,
    I think too often we try to form an out-come of how we perceive something in our life should unfold, when it does not, then we struggle with “Trusting” that it is going to unfold better than we could have imagined, “Trusting” is one of the most difficult things to have, when we trust that all is well, we somehow in our mind let go, we may associate letting go with not being pro-active or not really caring, which could not be so far from the truth.

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

  6. Yasmin

    Fantastic!!!…I so enjoy your articles and relate to just about all! This one is the cherry on top!
    Great stuff!

  7. wineriza

    this realy gave so much hope ,, advice and reason to keep on moving .,, i love this topic to applay in my daily life,, thanks and more power to your column


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