You can be negatively affected for years from the wounds of the past; it can affect you physically as well as mentally. Holding onto anger has been scientifically proven to be stressor to your body and to your day to day joy and happiness in life. Holding on to resentment against those who harmed you can cause depression, problems in relationships, or even in the ability to attract a relationship! There are aspects of that memory that are “cellular” and could become a future “dis-ease” in the making unless cleared. Here are seven steps that can help you to release…
If you’re still involved with this person, you need to examine that relationship and determine if it’s in your best interest to stay in it.
1. If you decide to stay, or if you’re dealing with a family member, get help from a professional to work though the situations and issues that originally caused the pain, or seek counseling together, and create “boundaries” on what to discuss or avoid in communication while you do.
2. If this is an issue from the past (as most are), you need to look beyond the event and work towards seeing what happened in that person’s life that could have caused them to take that action, or to cause you that pain. Explore their life, and what was going on in their world leading up to that incident.
3. Is it a possibility that they were unaware that they caused that pain, or for some reason did not realize it was damaging? Factor that into your examination.
4. Through the work you do in steps 3 and 4, find something that you can use to feel “compassion” for them, or for their situation, or what made them the way they were (or are). What shaped their decision to behave or act in that way? The phrase “They did the best they could with the tools they had” may help you.
5. Release the experience of being a victim. Make it clear in meditation and prayer that you are now “willing to let go” of this old wound, old pain.
6. Write in your journal, or if you do not want to “record” it, write it in letter form that you can release by burning or destroying later: What happened, what it created or caused in you, what facts or reasoning you are using to release it, and, most important, how forgiving this will positively affect your life!
7. “Letting go” means letting go of the old pain, and forgiving that trespass, it needs to be said that you should not put yourself in harm’s way with that person if they have not changed. Forgiveness is good for the soul, yet so is staying safe!
What are your own tried methods for gaining forgiveness?