How Not to Hurt People

Sometimes People Get Hurt in Relationships

Mothers have said before punishing a child “this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you.” When a parent has to dish out reprimands for poor behavior, it indeed causes pain not only for the child (no matter how old) but for the parent as well.

In relationships, people get hurt, even on good days. We don’t put our lover over our knee and spank them for forgetting to pick up the milk or vodka but we surly say some comment that leaves both feeling disconnected and hurt.

This is more than a two-part issue. First, the person feels bad that they forget to get something from the market and then the person left without their need or want is hurt that the person forgot a simple task. And here you have fight night 101.

There are reasons couples get upset with each other – hurt people hurt people. This is a damaging cycle in relationships that could lead to break ups or very negative un-evolved relationships.


Let’s face it we know what buttons to push if we want a rise out of a loved one.

Sometimes the buttons are poking out so far even a gentle nudge can set off a loud explosion. We push (maybe by accident) the button and have a crazy argument without a positive outcome and both people go to bed angry and hurt.

Looking at Personal Communication Devices

Looking makes both of you feel guilty—no matter what you say, the script is flipped and you end up the bad one for looking, and invasion of privacy. In addition, the person you peeped is cheating on you. Here you sit, all messed up, tissues sopping up the tears from looking and finding out the worst thing possible. Both of you are sick to your stomachs, as it could mean that the relationship is indeed over.

Not Listening

It goes in one ear and out the other—when a person is not listening to their partner, it is a sign of boredom and disrespect. On the other hand, how can one say I am not interested in what you have to say? Gal – I just bought new shoes, Guy – I just bought a new BMW – Okay, so now you got my attention! In the basic day-to-day the context of a conversation can be shut out by the person you are talking to, then you ask a question like “what do you think of that” and your mate says, huh! This could leave both of you hurt and maybe even a little embarrassed.

Making Decisions

Very often, we are called upon to make a decision, but what happens if the decision is not what your partner wanted? There are small decisions, like what to serve for dinner, or what restaurant to meet at, and big decisions that can be life changing. Making decisions that are life changing are better made together.

It is human nature that when we hurt someone we too feel hurt. Sometimes it is unavoidable to be caught up in the hurt cycle, and a good reason to be mindful before we say, or act on our thoughts.

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