It’s easy to say that you value yourself. After all, your self-esteem is pretty solid. You know that you’re smart, capable and loveable… You may even think you’re pretty terrific (and let’s face it, you are!). But before you go assuming that the people in your life perceive you in the same way you see yourself, take a second and ask yourself a few questions.
If you assess your life honestly, you may indeed believe that you’re worthy, and still be selling yourself short with your words and actions. Take this quick score-it-yourself quiz to see if you’re coming off as self-confident or self-doubting.
1. A hot romantic prospect has asked you out for second date drinks. You’re totally interested but you’d like to actually hear them this time, rather than the noise of a bar. You…
a. Suggest making it dinner instead
b. Agree to whatever they propose – you don’t want to seem too high maintenance
c. Say you’re busy in hopes of getting another invite for a date that’s more your style
d. Reject the invitation. If they understood you, they would know drinking is not your thing
2. You love your job and you’re fabulous at it. Then you find out that you’re getting far below the average salary. You…
a. Prepare a list of your achievements and accomplishments in the position and where you’d like to see your role go as well as do some research into appropriate pay grades before approaching your boss to discuss a raise
b. Request a meeting with your boss ASAP and open the floor for discussion of a raise
c. Wait for your annual review – they’ll offer you something, right?
d. Suck it up. You’re lucky to have a job. It’s not called “work” for no reason.
3. You’ve been with your lover exclusively for several months, but you still only see each other once a week. You…
a. Bring up the idea of seeing each other more to incorporate them into your life a little further
b. Get upset the next time you speak or see each other in hopes you’ll get your way
c. Are grateful to have a lover in the first place. Why push it by being demanding!
d. Break up with them. If they haven’t figured it out you’re ready for the next level, it’s hopeless.
4. True or false: You have goals for that you are in the process of achieving…
a. True! They’re always changing and expanding
b. True… but I can’t figure out how to get from one step to the next
c. False. I met my goals in life and love and then stopped making more
d. False. I fly by the seat of my pants
5. You’re in love with your partner. It’s pretty obvious the feeling is mutual. Your biggest concern is:
a. Making sure you’re your best “you” in the relationship… and they’re their best!
b. Getting your way. After all, you deserve it!
c. Saying how you feel… you don’t want to scare them away
d. Being true to yourself and making sure they’re true to you!
Congratulations! You’ve got a strong sense of self-worth and you’re acting from a place of your greatest good most of the time. Odds are, the people you interact with see you as confident and assertive without being demanding or self-absorbed. You understand that your own desires are important and that you dictate your own reactions, but that you can’t control the world around you. As such, you’re not afraid to take calculated risks. After all, you might as well lay out a plan and then ask for what you need and want along the way if you expect to get it!
No doubt you are sure you’re self-confident and you may very well be. However, there’s also little doubt that you are at least occasionally perceived as mercurial or tempermental. Why, you wonder? It seems as though in your well-intentioned efforts to remain true to yourself, you have a tendency to fly off the handle. Risk is worthwhile when there’s a reward, sure, but calculated risk goes a lot further than leaping before you look. Try to form reasoned arguments in your attempts to get what you want – use your head as well as your heart. You may find that a more logical approach will work wonders toward furthering your intentions.
Odds are, you’re perceived as full of potential that has yet to blossom. Whether you know it or not, fear is standing in your way – and most likely preventing you from really experiencing life in the way you want to experience it. If that doesn’t make sense, stop and consider if what you say you want really matches up to your actions. Staying in a job where you’re unhappy because “someday it’ll pay off” or hiding your true feelings from a lover because you’re too afraid of losing them are not the behaviors of a truly confident, fully-realized person. You have to put yourself out there in order to get something back… Perhaps you need to start by recognizing you’ve got more to offer than you think. Right now. Just as you are.
Pause for a second. Take a deep breath and repeat these words to yourself “no one is perfect. No one is a mind reader.” If this sounds silly, ask yourself. Do you believe you can control the universe? Odds are, you’ve taken The Secret or The Laws of Attraction so far that you do. As a result, people may find you difficult and high maintenance and here’s the truth – you may very well be! External forces, chance and accident are just a part of life. So, rather than setting the bar so high that you or the people you surround yourself with are bound to continually fail, consider more reasonable goals. After all, when other people are allowed to make mistakes… so are you!
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