10 Erotic Commandments

The first step in the spiritual life is to move beyond physical sensation alone and self-absorption.

Here are 10 effective ways:

To experience spiritual sex, you have to start by getting in touch with the spiritual plane. Listen to your body, relax your mind, and step outside of the physical realm.

Curiosity is what allows us to engage, while creating common interests with and understanding with others. If you’ve never wondered what makes your partner the way they are, you could be closing off the spiritual portion of your relationship, leaving only mechanical speech (“how was your day?”) and lovemaking. To fully experience each other, you must create a bond which begins by sharing each other’s curiosities. Contrary to belief, foreplay actually begins with the words, “I feel,” “I want,” and “I am.”

Another important aspect of spiritual sex is inspiring each other to be better than what we ever thought we could be. While this task may seem daunting, in reality it can be as simple as making a special dinner or planning an afternoon picnic.

While spiritual sex involves the bonding of two souls, this bond would be almost impossible if it weren’t for the experience of touch. Touch is one of the initial experiences we have with a partner which allows us to create a connection from the outside-in. Start by exploring the length of your partner’s body. How does their skin feel? Is it fleshy, muscular, or smooth? How do their vocal patterns and facial expression change depending on where and how you touch them?

Therapist Dr. David Schnarch recommends that couples look into each other’s eyes when they make love. The idea that the eyes are a window to the soul is an overused, and sometimes abused, term — as the model Fabio once proved, stating that “the soul is the window to the eyes.” Nevertheless, one study demonstrated this connection by looking at the heated arguments of various couples. They found that couples were able to regain composure by gazing into each other’s eyes.

Spiritual sex is very much a ritual, in that we repeat the things that have worked for us in the past. Perhaps it was a poem, song, massage, or a certain look or touch that started things off. Going along with this idea, it is also important to break away from too much routine by exploring new aspects of sexual enjoyment. In addition, today’s world has also brought about the necessity of ritual-like scheduling of date nights, which are used to help couples organize sex back into their lives.

Partnership/Sacred Union
To see a partner is to look past the body and into their spirit. To see their hopes, fears, dreams, and know what it is they need. This has also been called the telepathic relationship, which is a connection with a partner (soulmate) that allows us to communicate by sensing mood, feelings, and sometimes even thoughts. A good exercise of its understanding is synchronized breathing. While embracing your partner, take each breath as they do. Feel their chest rise, the air fill their lungs, and the release of each exhalation. This is an example of identifying with your partner by sensing their experiences.

Ethical Hedonism
There is nothing wrong with enjoying pleasure for yourself, but in the spiritual realm, hedonism refers to the pursuit of ecstasy as if it were a circle of infinite bliss. The circle begins by “seeing” and pleasuring your partner, who in turn responds with deep appreciation and reciprocated pleasure. The cycle then repeats itself until both partners’ energies are spent and they lie embracing each other, basking in the sacred bond they’ve created.

Conscious Lovemaking
While going through the mechanical act of sex can be quite pleasurable, it is nothing compared to the “valley orgasm,” which in terms of tantric expression is a “reverse” build-up of orgasmic ecstasy. Instead of escalating motion intensity and muscle tension during intercourse, the tantric method requires lovers to relax deeper and deeper into a spiritual connection. Without focusing on an end (“orgasm”), the couple’s passions eventually spill over, creating what could only be described as an entire body orgasm.

“Oh (deity of choice), I thank you for this bountiful body I am about to receive.” While the prayer I am referring to isn’t exactly like expressing your gratitude before reaching for the potatoes and coleslaw, it is important to appreciate the splendor of creating a spiritual bond with your lover.

What are your tips for more spiritual sex?

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