Mostly we hear (and talk) about the men who cheat on and leave their wives for other women. But, of course, women also cheat on and leave their husbands! The reasons for their behavior may seem quite different at times from those of men, but there’s always the same result – the pain and sorrow that comes from a betrayal of trust.
I’ve done readings for women who say that they have cheated on their husbands, right after they either discovered their husband had cheated on them or their husband had confessed to it. This could happen the other way around, I’m sure, with men taking “revenge” for what their wives had done, but it most often does seem to happen this way with women. Do women have affairs as revenge, or possibly to reassure themselves that they are still desirable, after their husband has been with another woman?
Women have told me, as well, that they have affairs because they feel emotionally distant from their husbands. They say that there is no communication in the relationship. Sometimes they feel that their sex lives are suffering as a result of the lack of communication, and engage in affairs to fulfill this need. Some even say that they still love their mate and don’t want him to find out about the affair, that they just want more emotional closeness and this is not necessarily even about the sex!
Life seems to slide by more swiftly after we reach a certain age. With women, this might be the landmark big three-O or even the big four-O. Whatever the age, some think that life is passing them by, and there is so much they still want to experience. They feel that they are missing out but at the same time don’t want to leave the “safety net” of their marriage without a satisfactory replacement lined up. When they find a satisfactory replacement, they’re gone. What they don’t realize is that their fears and emotional issues go right along with them.
And it has to be said – there is a small percentage of females who have affairs for the thrill. They believe that what their husband doesn’t know won’t hurt him. But it will hurt him, as unconditional love cannot be given to two (or more) men at the same time. In marriage we promise to forsake all others.
After my article “Men Who Cheat and Leave” appeared, I had a male caller who implied that I was critical of men who cheat but most likely would produce excuses for women who do the same. Not at all. I told him I thought it to be extremely destructive to a relationship, whether it be the husband or the wife. A relationship that works is where the needs of both parties are being met, or at least earnest efforts are being made by both sides to make it so.
We realize that men cheat and women cheat. Whether it be for revenge, to fill an emotional need, for a thrill to spice up what seems to be an otherwise boring life or a desire to experience it all before it’s too late, when one party cheats and the other is left to try to maintain the relationship, eventually there is nothing left to maintain. And that is just sad.