When Nagging Crosses the Line

Nagging Women vs. Silent Men

While opposites can attract, in time it’s imperative that there are enough similarities between partners in order for a relationship to survive. While quiet men may be attracted to assertive women and vice versa, they can easily come to resent the very differences which at first brought them together.

The Dance

It’s an old story: the extroverted woman is drawn to the strong and silent man, initiating the relationship. His quiet demeanor allows her more opportunity to verbally express herself, and he enjoys her ability to take charge. Soon enough, though, he begins to resent her gregarious, potentially “nagging” nature while she becomes frustrated with his quiet “mousy” one.

The Facts

The very qualities which make up these different personalities eventually cause complications within the relationship, not the least of which is good communication. An assertive woman tends to have higher self-esteem, and greater competence and behavioral traits which have a more positive effect in the countless social environments which rule our daily lives. In opposition, the introverted male tends to be shy, potentially neurotic and can carry anger and self-hatred issues from pent-up emotions which he never allows himself to release. These very diverse people have different ways of communicating which can create barriers when discussing everyday minor to major, issues. While he may feel like she should ‘be quiet for once,’ she may wish he would just “spit it out for once.”

“Relationships are hard. To say they aren’t is a lie, but the best things in life are the ones we have to work at constantly, and still enjoy.” – Lacy ext. 5494

The Sex

While that take-charge attitude can be useful between these unlikely partners, their eventual resentment can spill over into the bedroom. A more conservative, traditional man, may easily be dissatisfied and turned off by her over-aggressiveness. In the bedroom, most men need to feel like the aggressor, at least occasionally. If his partner won’t give an inch, a less assertive male may feel emasculated a real relationship killer for either partner. From the assertive woman’s point of view, his shyness can translate into inhibited sexual behavior, which can easily frustrate her and lower her opinion of him as a sexual lover.

All relationships take work, but clearly there are certain combinations that work better than others! In this love match, perhaps it is better to concede to that popular notion “like two ships passing in the night” and steer clear of this mismatched union. Of course, remember that it may be time for some inner contemplation: “People we attract into our life are reflections of who we are, therefore become first what it is you want to attract.” – Rivers ext. 5273

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26 thoughts on “When Nagging Crosses the Line

  1. Alvin

    Happening to one of your colleague? You need to give him attention without transferring focus from your job to his subjects for nagging.

  2. paul

    This is for Ella. That’s good ? He will only say those words when he is ready and he may never, be prepared. Doesn’t mean he does not care for you any less. Example. My gf ( The Queen and only one Queen ) We’ve been together for 1yr 9mths. She has professed her love to me and I knew it before she told me. She then some time after was looking for the same from me. I couldn’t say it when she asked. Why? Those words are sacred to me and only gonna say it and mean it. I find these days ” I love you” Is said loosely, Like the common “Hello” Don’t get me wrong, I truly care for this woman DEEPLY and be by her side if the chips were down, guaranteed! Try not to fret. Enjoy what you have while you have it. Smile that it happened not cry that it’s over. She told me that phrase. We are still together, I am lucky man. =)

  3. Anne

    Its just another example that men are not consistent. They figure that women are like new toys and they like them in the beginning but when they find out how they operate they want to discard them like an old toy and move on to a new one. Very narrow attention span and never looking at them in depth and seeing them for what they are.

  4. Anne

    Its just another example that men are not consistent. They figure that women are like new toys and they like them in the beginning but when they find out how they operate they want to discard them like an old toy and move on to a new one. Very narrow attention span and never looking at them in depth and seeing them for what they are.

  5. john

    I lived with a assertive nagging women I put up with for years, talk about angry moments and try fixings and then she left, never ben so happy in my life Amen!!!!

  6. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Joyce’s comment cracked me up !!!!! LOL LOL LOL

    Yes, it cuts both ways…..men can sometimes talk too much too !!!!

  7. Ella

    dear all please i need your input on this… my bf of about 4 months has neva told me he loves me with his mouth and when i asked about this he says he doesnt know how to express his feelings to me and this is not going down well with me.
    what do you guys think?

  8. Jean

    Hi, I love a man who has been married to a nagging ungrateful wife for over 50 years with no passion in their bedroom for many many many years He says he loves me but stays with her and seems not to want to upset her. He feels by not upsetting her he can see me. He is a wonderful and good man ( i know “he’s MARRIED”) and we try to see one another once or twice a week Strangely enough his wife and i are both Pisces. I understand his position and have told him i don’t want to get married as i am quite independent and keep busy and am happy with my life. Thats my life and i am not complaining. Just another little story re ‘ nagging ‘.

  9. joyce

    i never knew men can nag so much i always thought it was the women my husband nags at every thing i think he does it just to hear himself talk.

  10. camash

    Lacy said some things i can relate to. Well as of now i dont know if i should call this a relationship but hey we like eachother but dont see eachother on the regular. We both are libras and yesterday i nagged and asked him was he shy,did he have low self esteem. my means of communicating with him is text messaging. In response i get busy,lol,idk, or ok and i be wanting answers but IM too shy to just give him a call. I text him so much i said to myself wow he havent snapped yet. I feel it gots to be annoying and he just can carry anger. He already believe i should do better like he has self*hatred issuses. I asked him do he have a ill ment. (no answer). I just really want him to share some emotions. He makes me so angry the fact that with his attractive quietness he is a beast in the bed and he just wont make any time for us. He say he single,no kids,and not even employed that busy text he keep sending is killing me. I just hope im not being a pest for trying to get what i want. Hopefully he is too busy.

  11. Twighla

    It is funny that all that was discussed here is exactly what I have and am experiencing. Me and my partner argue everyday. I don’t do anything right or say anything right. I have volunteered that we have a counseling session together to get another person’s opinion and see if he will actually listen. The nagging part…i agree that I can be that way. When my needs are constantly not being met, even a little …well that is very frustrating and it usually comes out all sideways. This frustration and space created between us also is our totally separate work shifts and on opposite days. Also he has a son that he is pushing on me and the minute I tried to accept him and call myself stepmom…he says ….now why did you have to do that….your just trying to stir things up…like the mother’s happiness is much more important than mine.

  12. Kas

    I agree with Lysios. A woman can be competent and assertive without being an outright Nagging witch all of the time. This article is making the woman out to be some kind of hero, and the “quiet male figure” as Nuerotic! If anything, any man that can put up with a constantly nagging Control Freak woman is a saint in my book! Being a NON-Nagging, competent, assertive, very independant woman, I have seen many of these types of relationships with these type of women at the helm! None of them are good! Who can handle having someone ride them verbally night and day? Of course the man would have pent up anger, but why give her any more fuel to work with-so, they keep quiet? From my experience, the men that I know that have gotten themselves into these relationships did not see this side of these women until “AFTER” they were married to them! I for one, don’t understand why so many men love Bitches!! It does seem to be a fact of life though. There are so many gorgeous, kind, caring, non-nagging women that are alone because men choose to be miserable with Controlling nasty mean women! Unfortunately, some of them don’t realize that is what they are with until it’s too late. I have also seen repeatedly, that men in these situations choose to have “affairs” with “nice” women, rather than have to confront or leave the terrible marriage they are in.

  13. Marcie

    Yea,i have found that the things men are initially attracted to when they meet a woman, usually ends up being what they don’t like about them in the end.i have a shy quiet man.We have been together for two and a half years.I’ve noticed that he seems to get frustrated and irritated with me when i am in one of my very social moods.I’m not so sure that i would call myself assertive, but probably just outgoing and social for the most part.His counselor told him that it seems that he may be addicted to drama. He claims that he hates drama.Yea Right! Anyway, i have noticed that a few of his ex girlfriends that i have met, have the same type of personality as me.Hopefully,i don’t have to be one of his statistics.

  14. Reed x 5105Reed ext 5105

    I thought the author was not necessarily stereotyping all outspoken women as having higher self esteem or all quiet men as neurotic. Relationships are simply too complex to cover in an article of this length, so not all types are going to be covered and generalizations are used. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it.

    Being outspoken does not make one a nag, any more than being quiet makes one shy.

    I think it’s important to point out that although the article is entitled “When nagging crosses the line”, it might be better advice to leave off the “When”. Anytime that one partner, of any gender, has resorted to nagging (the habitual, day in and day out type) then a line has already been crossed. As a psychic I have seen into thousands of relationships, and I’ve never seen a relationship made better by the use of nagging.

    To Camille: In simple terms, if you keep attracting a certain type of person into your life, it may be time to change yourself before you try to find a new partner. For example, a person who is a rescuer or fixer is likely to find him/herself in a relationship with someone who is broken. When the rescuer stops this “fixing” behavior, s/he stops attracting those who “need fixing”.

    Best wishes,
    Reed x5105

  15. Lysios

    It’s too bad that the author relies so heavily on stereotypes in her analysis, but she crosses the line of credibility and ethics when she claims as fact ill-formed opinions as: “An assertive woman tends to have higher self-esteem and greater competence…” and “…the introverted male tends to be shy, potentially neurotic and can carry anger and self-hatred issues….” Many “assertive” women, just like their male counterparts, are bullies by nature and control-freaks. And many “introverted” men are self-secure enough that they don’t feel the need to pound their chests like Tarzan, preferring a more thoughtful approach to their relationships, in which an adult dialogue is preferable to a paradigm of dominance and submission. Most offensive is the underlying prejudice of the author, who stresses the inherent superiority of the women she discusses. This is bad medicine.

  16. camille

    I’m confused by that theory, that “people we attract into our life are reflections of who we are”. If this is so then why would these two people be considered opposites? It seems to be a contridiction. I would like to learn more on this please. Could you explain. Thanks

  17. Heather

    Given this situation, how do you fix your relationship when the resentment has already set in and the damage has already been done?

  18. ann

    I find it funny that men want this in there lives but when it happens they are not happy
    how about men that say hurtful things to that assertive woman then say they were only joking

  19. Beth summers

    Brilliant and an answer that I have been asking for. My elderly partner died last month (i had known him for nine years) He was deeply dark and silent, secretive and full of repressed emotions. I am the opposite. It was such a shame that he wouldn’t communicate, say what he felt and of course I had to assume what he meant, much to my detriment, giving him more fuel for his anger.

    This has helped me to understand our problems (and us both) enormously and I hope that he is listening! as I write this. thanks Beth.

  20. Ella

    Rubbish! My shy quiet man loves my outgoing personality but I have to admit, Im not always like that. I have my quiet moments too and he really knows how to take charge in the bedroom!


    Hi’ aLina mikos, thanks very much for the daily herescope on nagging women, ihave read and ihave enjoyed it it’s intresting, guiding and it has changed my life some how….last please keep me posted with other horoscopes especially on relationships and character….thanks alot….God bless you in the work you are doing…its realy inspiring.


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