The problem with flirting is that it’s essentially indefinable. Clearly, there are times when flirting is crystal clear, but often, it dwells in this in-between space. If the boundary between friendly conversation and hints at something more is unclear, then how can couples navigate their comfort level when it comes to their partner and flirting?
I’ve got one suggestion—communicate! Talk with your partner to discover what your boundaries are with flirting. You may need to define what you each consider to be flirting. Or, of course, you can choose not to talk about it at all, and let the resentment-fest begin when you attend social engagements together! But do keep in mind, if you or your partner just can’t resist flirting, maybe it’s time to take a hard look at your relationship, and consider what deeper issues may be at play if flirting continues to be a problem.
“Fears of cheating can often be related to situations of the past. If you always look through the lenses of life expecting someone to fail or something bad to happen, then you miss out on the opportunity to find real happiness.” – Psychic Deejay ext. 5435
It was a beautiful summer day in a trendy neighborhood in Park Slope, Brooklyn. My significant other and I were enjoying an early dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant. I was feeling great, and felt friendly toward everyone and everything. I’m often on the shy side, but today I was feeling especially outgoing. Our waiter was really nice, and happened to be a young, attractive guy. I smiled at him when he came to our table. I was friendly, and I listened to him rattle off the specials with interest.
As we headed home after dinner, my significant other said he was angry with me because I was flirting with the waiter. Wait! What? I was most definitely not flirting. I tried to explain that to him, but in that situation almost anything you say just sounds defensive. And I felt oddly guilty, even though I knew without a doubt that I was not intentionally flirting with the waiter.
“Honesty is an important component in any relationship.” – Psychic Giovanna ext. 5214
While every relationship is as unique as a flirty little snowflake, here are a few flirting dos and don’ts. They may help you avoid guilt, anger, hurt and other unpleasantness, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
• Flirt if you are single and don’t wish to remain so.
• Flirt if your significant other and you both agree that doing so would not be hurtful to your relationship. Establish whether it’s okay to flirt in front of each other or if you can only do it if the other isn’t nearby.
• Flirt for freebies if your’re single, but with your partner’s okay, if you’re paired. Who doesn’t want a freebie from time to time? Score a upgraded coffee or even a discount at the tire store, and if your partner is okay with you flirting, try to score them something as well.
• Flirt your way out of a traffic ticket if you’re single, but don’t be too obvious. Can you really resist that uniform?
• If your paired, flirt with your partner more. Maybe then they won’t look for flirting where you believe it doesn’t exist!
• Don’t flirt while your significant other is standing right next to you (or anywhere in earshot), unless they are okay with it.
• Don’t flirt as a means of getting back at your significant other for wronging you in some way. It won’t make you feel better or fix the problem.
• Don’t flirt at a family wedding if you meet that hottie who kind of looks like they could be related to you. Chances are, they are. (Don’t ask why I know this.)
So what do you think? Is flirting a big deal? Does it make you angry and jealous? Or, is it just good, innocent fun?
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