How to Gently Turn Down a Friend Who Wants to Date You

How to Turn Down a Friend When There’s No Mutual Attraction

Attraction isn’t always mutual, and one of the hardest (or at least most delicate) situations you can face is when a friend says they’re romantically interested in you, but you don’t feel the same way. Because you care about your friend and presumably value your relationship, you can’t just brush off the advance. You also can’t enter into a relationship with someone you’re not attracted to just because you don’t want to hurt their feelings. So how do you gently turn down a friend who wants to date you?

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Here are three tips for letting them down gently:

Be Upfront

The easiest thing to do in this situation would be to ignore your friend’s feelings or advances. However, the easiest route is rarely the best one. Rather than pretending the words weren’t said or the move wasn’t made, the adult (and appropriate) thing to do is to address what has happened. And you need to do it when the situation arises—not down the road because it seems easier. It won’t be any easier to turn down a friend than it is right after they make a move and you don’t want to lead your friend on, letting them think you’re considering a romantic relationship with them when you really aren’t.

It takes a lot to put yourself out there and face rejection for the sake of romance. Your friend took a huge leap, knowing what they could be risking and they’re willing to face the consequences that come with rejection. You need to be just as bold and gently turn them down right away. It’s the kinder thing to do.

Do you have a friend who won’t take no for an answer? Psychic Sonja ext. 5071 knows how to get through to them. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings

Your first inclination may be to assume your friend’s feelings are a passing thing—and they may be just that. Or you may jump to the conclusion that they’re deeply in love with you—when they’re really not. Whatever you do, don’t assume you know how they feel. Just listen to what they have to say and explain honestly that while you care deeply for them, there are no romantic feelings on your end. It sucks to say it. It’s going to hurt them. But gentle honesty when you turn down a friends is the only chance you have of salvaging the friendship.

Do you feel like they aren’t taking your feelings into consideration? Psychic Anasela ext. 5154 knows what they’re really thinking. 

Take Time to Adjust 

Finally, odds are good that once the matter has been addressed, you’ll want to go right back to the way things were. However, that could be selfish and might not be possible. Even if your friend seems cool with picking up right where you left off (before they shared their romantic feelings for you), it may be because they’re hoping one day you’ll change your mind and they want to stay close to you until then. You should give them some time and space and let them resume the friendship when and if they’re ready. A lasting friendship will do just that—it will last if it’s meant to do so.

Wondering if your friendship will ever recover? Psychic Venice ext. 9561 know when and if you’ll reconnect!

7 thoughts on “How to Gently Turn Down a Friend Who Wants to Date You

  1. andrea

    Sadly I too am having that’s same issue and would love to say it will workout but literally honest and true today august 14 just after 4am we met 3 yrs ago exactly. My life long friend passed in an accident Sunday along with three other family members and considering local news media facebook and mutual friends I know he is aware of what I’m going thru and that also my dear friend 15yr old twins are at UC Davis in ICU one by the grace of god and two back surgeries is walking as of last night but his dear sweet sister is still on life support awaiting vitals to be steady enough to undergo surgery for she too has a broken back but also broken ribs and punctured lung. She just spent the weekend here with US nearly two wknds ago and here’s the icing he (my man child BF 40 next month) hasn’t even bothered to even f’ing call me too even just say hey or emailed me or anything its been now4 days he left the morning of the same day the accident occurred. I’m pretty under privileged where actual family’s concerned they’re all I’ve got and they’re barely hanging in there …. He who’s not here! And my autistic 7yr son who can see I’m on the verge of I don’t even know and the people that would be here to assist me with coping with this nightmare have come to pass and my “man” whom my son just adores isn’t here. My so doesn’t communicate in the traditional sense I don’t know if he understands any of it but feel such a pain in my heart enduring this tragedy I fear my son has more understanding then I. I’m at a loss as well not sure what to do and can’t help but cry. Not to many friends near by 8 dearest friends all in the wreak spread out Sacramento for twins and survived two more 15yr girl & just turned 21yr boy in Redding Ca. Medical center. I don’t know what the Fuck to do and no one too talk too…..Help me please pray for them all and any inspirational advice most sincerely welcomed. If you read this all the way Thur God Bless You! This is the first outlet to even not so much complain but sooth or express this excruciating overwhelming grief….. Thanks

  2. goldie

    i have a vet friend who has ptsd, a vietnam vet, who struggles with extreme depression, forgets to take a dose of medication and goes into a panic attack so when i heard the news about robin williams , i know the toll that depression takes on mind and body, may he rest in peace. depression is right up there with cancer.

  3. Patty


    He’s using you. And as either Dear Abby or Ann Landers used to say, No one can take advantage of you, unless YOU let them. He’s taking advantage of you and you being so needy, are letting him. I know it hurts, I’ve been there myself. But you won’t find a better guy, one who treats you right, until you let this loser go and move on.

  4. Cyn

    My Current EX boyfriend and I have been on and off again now for almost a year since he left me saying he still wanted to be with me but could no longer live with me. He has became more then a lover to me but, my best friend. I admit that I still want more and have always been deeply in love with him. He has been struggling the last year and been living with me off and on all year. Knowing that im in love with him, He has made comments like can’t I just have a place to stay once in a while when I need one? It hurts to hear this and I know he doesn’t share my same feelings about me as I do him. I miss him……………..
    He will be here with me for 2 to 4 days and leave and not come back for 4 to 6 days. Every time I feel as though I can’t breath when I wait for him to return only to be dissapointed, hurt, and alone. I’m thinking each time ok you got him back, don’t screw it up and honestly it’s him that doesn’t return or stays gone for 12 hours only to return at 2 3 in the morning to come in and go to sleep.
    Although deep down I know his feelings for me are not near as deep as mine for him, I still feel as though he loves me too and I uo till now thought that maybe, just maybe he too couldn’t breath without me on or around the third to fourth day away he would always show up back home. I just assumed wihtout realy asking that maybe he experenced too the same feelings of being to that last drop of air like you will die right then if yo don’t see one anouther but lately the last two times he has left he has stayed gone longer and longer up to 7 full days. I know that he is pulling farther and farther away form me and there is nothing I can do or say to stop him. I know cause I have layed it down on the line many many nights and told him how very much I loved him and wanted to grow old with him. I have told him How much I wish to marry him and be his wife……
    Yet he leaves me like this and I don’t understand why? DId I do something? Say the wrong thing? Why ? iT HURTS and I need help I cant hold back any longer my tears and fears. I know letting him go is the wright thing to do….But it is judt sdo dsm hsfd.

  5. Gina Rose ext.9500

    Nice article, S.K.Smith, I do a fair amount of readings on this very topic , so your article was much appreciated.

    On a sad note….Rest In Peace , Robin Williams…..
    If the saying holds true that laughter is the best medicine of all and good for the soul…..then Robin was not only a GREAT comic and actor , but also a GREAT healer as well.
    The world lost a kind and gentle angel, who brought the healing gift of humor and laughter to mankind, ….he will be missed.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  6. annie pickett

    I do have a friend that we have had special moments but tells ne he loves her…but is married and sees many on the scene …I have lost trust but he is my rock, I confide in him but tells me in confidence of his affairs..his wife is my fiend !!!! so confused.


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