The Proper Etiquette to Dump Their Ass

There are right ways and wrong ways to break up with someone. These guidelines cover proper break up etiquette.

How to Leave a Lover

Kicking a lover to the curb is easy. Step 1: Drive by any street corner. Step 2: Place foot firmly on the lover’s rear. Step 3: Kick firmly until their carcass is no longer in the seat next to you. Step 4: Drive away. Sometimes they get a hold of the seat belt and you have to drag them down the road. Other times they chase after you like a lost puppy dog. While you could stop and back over them a couple of times to get your point across, just the fact that you stopped might encourage them to grab onto your exhaust and drag around for the remainder of the year. Leaving a lover may not be that simple, but there is a proper etiquette to dumping someone’s ass with a little bit of class!

What You Should Do

Have a Good Reason

When the “why” kids grow up, they maintain that youthful curiosity. Why are you watering the lawn? Why are you putting the hose on that hook? Hey, why are you running away from me and screaming? People are naturally curious, and having a good, tangible reason for why you’re breaking up can help bring them closure.

Meet in Person

How much did this person mean to you? If you have any respect for them, it will boost their self-esteem to meet in person to recant your whys and byes. A little effort will go a long way in the karma department.

Public vs. Private Dump

It’s standard etiquette practice to dump your partner in private. However, if they are a real drama king or queen, it may be safer to meet in a semi-public location. Never choose a favorite hangout because the place could be spoiled for you, post breakup.  Make sure the location is convenient and familiar for both of you. And whatever you do, don’t drive together. Are they about to dump you? Psychic Alison ext. 9885 knows!

Change Your Shared Passwords

Technology makes it easy to keep in touch with friends and lovers. However, what happens when you no longer want to be connected? Do you change your Facebook page, Twitter, smart phone number or chat handle? That’s a lot of steps to get rid of a single person. What you should do is get rid of any temptation your ex may have to read your messages by changing any passwords you shared with them. You would be eerily surprised at the number of exes who have been keeping track of you through social media since you broke up.

What You Shouldn’t Do

The Drippy Dumpee

Dumpers that cry or show any weakness instigate hope, which will invite your ex to wait around for a change of heart. Keep a stiff upper lip and your composure so you seem set on your decision to end the relationship.

The Date Dump

I had one girlfriend who planned a special date on the day of our breakup. She invited me to a picnic, and at the end of the afternoon she gave me a bag of departing gifts, including my toothbrush and few of my shirts. This may be great if you are writing a romance novel. However, in the real world, nobody wants to spend a day with someone, if they’re planning to dump you as a nightcap.

Delayed Dump

We have all experienced the pending breakup. Those last couple weeks where someone feels as distant as Mount Kilimanjaro, because, quite frankly, they couldn’t give a damn. However, the fact that we still love them keeps us at their doorstep, waiting for a change of heart. Don’t make someone wait for you to gather up the courage to do what needs to be done. The longer you let someone flounder, the longer it will take for them to move on with his or her life. Having trouble moving on from a relationship? Psychic Rianne ext. 9423 has the tools you need to help you get on with your life.

Vague Dump

The phrase, “I need some space,” should be reserved for when you’re buying an apartment or a pair of underwear. In the romance department this is too vague of an explanation. It sounds like your ex might get you back once your elbows have had a chance to air out. Tell your lover straight up where your head is at. You’re not saving anyone from pain with a wishy-washy exit.

The Dirty Dump

I once dated a girl who claimed she was barren, a cheater, and finally that she liked to run over baby bunnies on the way to work (I love bunnies.). I realized she was just making excuses so that I would rethink the relationship, and ultimately give her what she really wanted: a breakup. Never try to push someone to do the dirty work for you. Do your own damn dumping!

Sex Dump

Never give a lover one last hurrah, no matter how sexy they look with their pouty face. It will only stir up feelings, and make letting go even more heart wrenching.

22 thoughts on “The Proper Etiquette to Dump Their Ass

  1. annie

    magdala …this is the way: love yourself more!!!!remember,if something is not goin right,u have to try to fix it,and if it’s not goin right again,please don’t waist time,please don’t fool yourself.just leave.let it’s painfull when u love someone,but it’s gonna be worse if u just waste time…

  2. Dawn

    To those who are feeling immense pain from your last/recent breakup. It WILL and DOES get easier. I was friends with a man for 10 years until we decided to have a relationship for 2 1/2 years. I felt he was the love of my life- like I couldn’t breathe without him, and he said the same about me. The last month of our relationship, before the “official” break up, he avoided me. Then, he broke it off over the phone. What? I think I deserved more than that and I was totally depressed, even suicidal. That was in Feb 2010 when it was officially over. You know what? I don’t think of him anymore. It took me 1 1/2 YEARS to get over him. I wish it was quicker and there were times when I thought I would never heal. But a healing WILL come. Just let it come on it’s own. There is nothing you have to do- just be patient with yourself, let the emotional stuff come and go, ’cause it will. One minute you will think you’re fine and the next, you’re devestated all over again. It’s ok. It’s all part of the healing process. And all processes come in their own way and at their own speed. What will help you is doing whatever makes YOU happy. For me, I kept a journal, watched funny movies, laughed, cried when I needed to, prayed, sang, listened to great music, went for long walks, cuddled with my kitties, went out in nature a lot, those are the things that make ME feel better. And now, I actually pray to God and THANK HIM for bringing this experience into my life and then removing me from it because I truly believe all of our experiences create who we become. And I wish my ex well, truly, because forgiving is the best thing you can do for you.
    Much love to you all.

  3. ashley

    i love my boyfriend but i went on a trip and fell in love with this guy and he goes to my school how do i dump my boyfriend to date this other guy with out trying to hurt his feelings im not the girl who loves breaking peoples hearts im the kind of girl that gets the people together. plus i dont know what to do because the guy i want to go out with keeps asking me if ive already broken up with the other guy. LOVE STINKS SO MUCH. ;(

  4. Natalia

    Or, we could just take a page out of Nancy Regan’s book, and just say No. We could adjust it to fit the situation and just say Bye Bye.

  5. annie

    oh what an article! i just left my boyfriend(today),we were living together for 8months. i left because he don’t love me.simple isnt it?well,i’ve really tried to make things right but in the end i saw everything was getting worse.finally i accepted some things will never change.things like showing someone u love them!so i packed my things up and left when he was asleep(of course i told him im going to…in the night before).yeah i prefer to be alone than being with someone that that just pretend he loves me. right now his sending love text to me…and oh my poor little much longer till i hit the ground….?please help me…

  6. Holly

    I have been with a guy for 2 1/2 years in a commited relationship and dated him for 3 before we decided to be exclusive. He is a Libra and I’m a Sagitarrius. I moved and have been doing the long distance thing for 4 months, but found out he has been seeing someone else. He does not want to talk about it but does not want to hurt me. That is a bunch of crap, just own up to seeing someone else and not lead me on. I know Libra’s don’t like conflict but take a stand and be grown up about this. For me it is over and I do not want it to drag on. This article came at a good time. Thanks

  7. April T

    This is for Matthew Gosewisch who’s wife of 32 yrs just ripped away everything you were. I know your pain & I can say with 100% certainty that you will have a great day again. It took me about a year to feel normal again. Just remember to be easy on yourself. You will heal at your own pace & you are exactly where you are supposed to be with it at any given time. Don’t let anyone say “well you should be over it by now it’s been 4, 5, 12 or 55 months.” this is your journey & if all you can do is get out of bed to take a piss than you own that trip to the bathroom. Right now you just need to survive. They say that getting over someone is like going through drug withdrawl. I believe it. Life is worth living & you will feel happy again. Please just take it easy & don’t let anyone tell you how u should b feeling. You will have a strong day then be sobbing like a baby while taking a shower the next. Then one day you’ll realize “wow, I didn’t think about her once today!” You’ll get there. I’m sending you peaceful, serene, comforting & loving energy. Take it easy & focus on taking care of you!

  8. marc from the uk

    I had a brief ( Non sexual) relationship recently that was good for both our souls, however due to distance she called it a day, one of those people maybe looking for perfection? and over analysing the relationship rather than enjoying the moments, however on a few occasions she has emailed me, apologising and wanting to keep tabs! ( Hey I am worh it!) lol, however I have kept the distance by saying that we are like passing buses, and meant that either of us are in relationships, or missing our stops. I meant that, as I deem myself to be faithful, however on reflection maybe I gave this lady hope? It is so hard to be kind and thoughtful to others.

  9. Amanda

    LOL, that face in my last comment was supposed to be a tounge sticking out but looks more like a miley face which makes me seem cruel!

  10. Amanda

    Oops no wonder the “last hurrah” as my parting gift made him follow me around like a lost puppy when I really wanted to be free. 😛

    Great advice in this article!

  11. zane

    enjoyed the advise you have given I dont know how you knew what was going on in my life no job and yeah I found someone else that sparked my life but I have been going through a struggle with her and everytime her x is in town she takes off and when she has problems with him she comes running back I guess Im a sap cuz I take her back .Its Time I kick her to the curve but not yet she just lost a family member so I will be kind to let her know once the mourning is over with. I feel hurt in the relationship cuz I really love this person when someone says they love you they probably do but deep down their not in love with you as I am inlove with her thanks again for your advise.

  12. Marge

    I have been dating a guy who is nice, but who I’m not really attracted to. There just isn’t the chemistry there to develop a serious relationship. I know he is into me, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and tell him that there isn’t that chemistry there to develop an intimate relationship. That I don’t have those feelings for him. I already told him that I want to keep this at a platonic relationship, but how long can one do that? He told me that he didn’t know how long he could keep it at a friendly relationship.

  13. ayobami adegoke

    The write up is excellent and it analysis the best way to dump an untrustworthy lover and a cheater.I have been in this situation but at times there are constraints.

  14. Deanna

    I have been in both sides of the coin so i take their feelings into consideration but, my last boyfriend didn’t give me a choice to blurr it out. I told him we needed to give each other space and so we can decide if we want to further the relationship but, all he did was accuse of seeing other people or different things. It was to the point that i was avoiding his calls. That all went down one early morning he called woke me up and i just bluntley told him i am done and i think we need to go our separate ways it did hurt me but, even after that he was assuming i was seeing some one else. I believe in karma and i hope it doesnt bite me but, he didn’t give me a choice.

  15. matthew gosewisch

    ur psychic was right on as my wife of 32 years gave me my divorce papers yesturday.still hurts like hell,just trying to c if life if worth living at this point. hope some onr has a gr8 day.

  16. Nelly

    Hi Eric your strategies are right,(though it might be hurtful..); but needless beating about the bush when compromise becomes unattainable amid the parties involve, the last option is letting go

  17. Amanda

    What about the coward dump. The one where they don’t say anything. They just stop talking to you. You don’t get any understanding or closer that way. It hurts way more too cause you still have feeling for the person and you can’t understand why they did what they did.

  18. Gloria

    How ironic that today is the day that I threw my ” hip waders” in the trash with the rest of his b.s. …..
    Didn’t sign on to continue to emotionally wade through the crap . Spot On C.P.


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