There are right ways and wrong ways to break up with someone. These guidelines cover proper break up etiquette.
How to Leave a Lover
Kicking a lover to the curb is easy. Step 1: Drive by any street corner. Step 2: Place foot firmly on the lover’s rear. Step 3: Kick firmly until their carcass is no longer in the seat next to you. Step 4: Drive away. Sometimes they get a hold of the seat belt and you have to drag them down the road. Other times they chase after you like a lost puppy dog. While you could stop and back over them a couple of times to get your point across, just the fact that you stopped might encourage them to grab onto your exhaust and drag around for the remainder of the year. Leaving a lover may not be that simple, but there is a proper etiquette to dumping someone’s ass with a little bit of class!
What You Should Do
Have a Good Reason
When the “why” kids grow up, they maintain that youthful curiosity. Why are you watering the lawn? Why are you putting the hose on that hook? Hey, why are you running away from me and screaming? People are naturally curious, and having a good, tangible reason for why you’re breaking up can help bring them closure.
Meet in Person
How much did this person mean to you? If you have any respect for them, it will boost their self-esteem to meet in person to recant your whys and byes. A little effort will go a long way in the karma department.
Public vs. Private Dump
It’s standard etiquette practice to dump your partner in private. However, if they are a real drama king or queen, it may be safer to meet in a semi-public location. Never choose a favorite hangout because the place could be spoiled for you, post breakup. Make sure the location is convenient and familiar for both of you. And whatever you do, don’t drive together. Are they about to dump you? Psychic Alison ext. 9885 knows!
Change Your Shared Passwords
Technology makes it easy to keep in touch with friends and lovers. However, what happens when you no longer want to be connected? Do you change your Facebook page, Twitter, smart phone number or chat handle? That’s a lot of steps to get rid of a single person. What you should do is get rid of any temptation your ex may have to read your messages by changing any passwords you shared with them. You would be eerily surprised at the number of exes who have been keeping track of you through social media since you broke up.
What You Shouldn’t Do
The Drippy Dumpee
Dumpers that cry or show any weakness instigate hope, which will invite your ex to wait around for a change of heart. Keep a stiff upper lip and your composure so you seem set on your decision to end the relationship.
The Date Dump
I had one girlfriend who planned a special date on the day of our breakup. She invited me to a picnic, and at the end of the afternoon she gave me a bag of departing gifts, including my toothbrush and few of my shirts. This may be great if you are writing a romance novel. However, in the real world, nobody wants to spend a day with someone, if they’re planning to dump you as a nightcap.
We have all experienced the pending breakup. Those last couple weeks where someone feels as distant as Mount Kilimanjaro, because, quite frankly, they couldn’t give a damn. However, the fact that we still love them keeps us at their doorstep, waiting for a change of heart. Don’t make someone wait for you to gather up the courage to do what needs to be done. The longer you let someone flounder, the longer it will take for them to move on with his or her life. Having trouble moving on from a relationship? Psychic Rianne ext. 9423 has the tools you need to help you get on with your life.
The phrase, “I need some space,” should be reserved for when you’re buying an apartment or a pair of underwear. In the romance department this is too vague of an explanation. It sounds like your ex might get you back once your elbows have had a chance to air out. Tell your lover straight up where your head is at. You’re not saving anyone from pain with a wishy-washy exit.
The Dirty Dump
I once dated a girl who claimed she was barren, a cheater, and finally that she liked to run over baby bunnies on the way to work (I love bunnies.). I realized she was just making excuses so that I would rethink the relationship, and ultimately give her what she really wanted: a breakup. Never try to push someone to do the dirty work for you. Do your own damn dumping!
Never give a lover one last hurrah, no matter how sexy they look with their pouty face. It will only stir up feelings, and make letting go even more heart wrenching.