Speak Up: You’re Just the Other Woman, Nothing More

A woman had an extramarital affair for over 19 years. The man she was seeing suddenly cut off all contact with her, and she can’t seem to get over him. Carmen weighs in.

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Karen from St. Louis, Missouri asks:

I had been in a relationship outside my marriage for 19 years. I was very much in love with this man and was very honest with him about my feelings. When we met he was also married but then divorced and continued to see me. As the years went by he remarried and still saw me. This marriage ended when his wife passed away a year ago. After her death he saw me for another six months. Then out of the blue I never saw or heard from him again. It’s been a year now and I can’t get over him. I think about him all the time and my heart aches for him. I am now divorced and can’t seem to move on with my life without this man. Will he ever contact me again? Will I ever get over this hurt that he has caused? I have no clue why he just stopped calling—he’s changed his number and even moved. What did I do to make him just dump me the way he did? I need to move on and I just don’t know how to get him off my mind and out of my heart. Please help me get some answers.

Dear Karen,

From what you have been writing, you were with this man for over 20 years. You told me that he was married when you met, divorced and then remarried. From the rest of the story I am hearing one thing very clearly; you were always the other woman. I am not sure why you didn’t, couldn’t or wouldn’t divorce your husband, but he has gotten to know you only as the other woman; never as a fully available and equal partner he could spend a life with.

Often times there is comfort and some form of excitement with a person who you really can’t have all the way. If a person has a lower self-esteem or other, similar issues, chances are this type of relationship, i.e. the type that does not require real presence, intimacy and “work” often comes more naturally than doing the “real” thing. Are you ready for the real thing? Get tips from Psychic Catherine ext. 5116!

I feel that over the years he learned to accept you as the one he really can’t have and hence, trained himself to keep waiting for “the one.” Maybe there are trust issues. I don’t know why you chose to have an extramarital affair for as long as you did, but maybe that makes him wonder if you would one day do the same to him.

There are many parts that I do not know, but it seems that once he “had” you he no longer was able to deal with it, because he never saw you that way to begin with.

I know this sounds a bit harsh, but my intention is not to be hurtful. Instead, I am trying to put into perspective what might go on in his head. The fact that he cut all ties is a pretty strong indicator that maybe he is simply no longer willing to settle for the one who was never available. Wondering why you are attracted to unavailable people? A chat with Psychic Phoebe ext. 5231 can get you the answers you’re looking for.

I do wish that things go well for you and that you get through this. As always, I will tell you that you should, for once, focus on what drives you and what you want within yourself, regardless of what man is or isn’t in your life. I believe that once you found your own happiness, you will shine much brighter to someone who is also happy with who they are, and therefore able to be happy with you.

Much love and light and good luck!


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6 thoughts on “Speak Up: You’re Just the Other Woman, Nothing More

  1. connie

    First of all I completely disagree with anyone having a relationship outside of another relationship. A relationship is something between two people that requires committment love trust and honesty from both people giving 100 percent to each other. Ive always felt that if you are in a relationship that you dont want to be in then end it before you start another one that is above all things the FAIR thing to do. Also it takes two people to be in a relationship but it only takes one person with feelings to get hurt, admit when you make mistakes and never blame others for how you feel. You are the cause of your hurt feelings not him.

  2. Courtney x5036

    Many affairs have a strong energy of Mars, sexual connection and lust. Depending on the other planets involved the connection may not be right for love, commitment and long term.

  3. sb

    this lady actually was in long term relationship, in fact, she had two relationships over a long time. I dont think that common phrases work to understand whats going on in a live. But we are used to think in boxes. Some may feel comfortable with relationship rules, but most time it does not work.

  4. Virgo 1

    I’m kinda in a similar relationship, my best friend and I got together about a year before my wife had passed away. She is still in a relationship with the father of her kids. I totally understand why she is because he is a good provider. I must agree with Carmen in that I see my girlfriend as she is not there for the long haul for whatever reason, even tho I’m in love with her like I’ve never been in love with anyone before, I’m always looking for a way out because I can’t see us ever having a more permanent
    relationship. I believe this women to be
    my sole matebut after almost 2 1/2 years
    with her I can’t make any Plans to move forward in my life with her in my life because she has become my life. I must admit we do make an odd couple for two reasons, one she just happens to be the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen and I’m average to say the least and second I’m much older than her about 15 years her senior. Its not a money thing because I lost everything after my wife passed away. Whatever her reason I know she truly loves me no matter what and that’s hard to leave. We have been through all the drama of friends and family that have shunned us being together even her boyfriend suspects us but it has not broken either of our sprits. I will tell her if I do leave her for good because I don’t want bet to suffer in always wondering why and what she could of done to change things, nor am I going to ask her to leave her boyfriend because of her kids need there father, let me add he is a good father and I respect him for that.
    No relationship is perfect it takes work, patience, trust and a whole lot of love between both people.

  5. linda

    i have the same thing happening to me i fell for a guy in tunisia online went too see him for a month and came back. i was married and i know he is too but i found out muslims cant just have 1 woman. now he wants a divorce besides he owes child suppport adn cant pay it becasue he dont make alot of money.
    my husband agreed to divorce me becasue of it . this man said he loves me talk too him on line but not like we used too rarely in a rare moon he comes on. i heard he has alot of friends on line and talks with them, he lies too me he dont but its truewere both on tagged and used to be my friend but he blocked me on their cant even write him on tehir or send tags or comments so what does that me me.
    he dont love me as far as i can see and he alsways wants money.
    i would appreciate a email back on this if you can i feel for this lady as well what she wrote
    thank you

  6. Pawan Kumar Gupta

    Dear madam
    How are you I am pawan Kumar Gupta , I am 25 after labour class job in video editing house in patna , bihar , India. but I want for video editing care . care time no sleeping in Bed regullary 6 month , I complet video editing tech and coaching the poor family without coast , Today is two state per city my minimum 3 or 5 student , but I heave problem money and I want for global sourcess business , video & still photo related , some computer gift parts. and some growth the business , without problem in government , and searching by woman friends
    and partner, good nature & look


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