Speak Up: The Short Leash Syndrome

Dealing With an Overbearing Partner

Charles from San Antonio asks:

In the past year, I have suffered several tragic events. I lost my wife, my businesses, my truck was stolen with everything I owned in it. Let me first say that I got my truck back, but am fixing to lose my house. I have one true friend, but I had fallen in love with her about two years ago. She’d been in a relationship with another man, and had children with him. I think it’s bad karma from the way I treated my departed wife, because after thirty-three years of marriage I loved someone else. Nothing ever happened between my friend and me because she doesn’t feel the same way. I have been very confused because my friend wants to be around me 24/7 cause she feels safe around me, she even goes as far to load up everyone if I want to go somewhere and keeps a short leash on me (her words, not mine). Do I need to end this friendship with her to fix my problems, or what do I need to do? Please help. I’m desperate!

Dear Charles,

It sure sounds as if you went through a lot. And while we may be able to figure out what decisions on our part may have lead to the current events, I would strongly suggest to stop thinking that any of this had to do with bad karma!

Yes, you may have fallen in love with your friend, but you didn’t act on it. I suspect that your marriage failed over a whole bunch of different factors and this was probably only a small piece of it.

I don’t know what lead to you losing your business, but you may want to dig into that one and see if it couldn’t potentially be salvaged. I can’t give you any advice here, because I don’t know the details. It might be a good idea to examine all of your past decisions leading to the loss of your business and all financial/material things.

“Keep your partner happy by being happy yourself.” – Blythe ext. 5339

Losing a house sucks, but one can be happy renting a place as well. Don’t put your happiness into material things, as material stuff can always be acquired again. I know it is difficult to lose a home, especially one that one may have had for many years and put a lot of time, effort, tears, sweat and money into. However, know that this is one you may be able to have again one day.

Now, moving on to the issue at hand. The short answer is, yes, for now you really need to distance yourself from your friend. Because she is giving you mixed signals and that is not helping your situation at all right now. If she is a true friend, she won’t get in your way of true happiness. The fact that she is continuously keeping you on a “short leash” is not a sign of love or affection, it simply means that she is comfortable with having her cake and eating it too; i.e. having this protector best friend, who never makes a move on her, follows her around wherever she goes and no matter what she does, and most importantly doesn’t require a single thing in return from her. I hate to break it to you, Charles, but there are plenty of women who are just as territorial as a man. And you, my friend, have become a bit of her turf that she is trying to protect. The problem is, that this has absolutely nothing to do with love and will not get you any closer to the true love you are supposed to have in your life. She is married, she has kids, she is extremely comfortable with this situation, and no, she is not interested in you romantically. That is the truth in a nutshell and it’s time for you to sort out your life and find someone who reciprocates. Know that as long as you keep the space for the person you are supposed to be with occupied by someone who is just comfortable with having you around, this will result in you staying alone and miserable.

Finally, a true friend doesn’t hold you hostage if she is neither available, nor interested! That is merely the sign of someone who is selfish and immature. Good luck to you and I hope this helps.

“To attain the love you want, be prepared to be, or work to become, the type of person you want to attract!” – Yemaya ext. 5143

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3 thoughts on “Speak Up: The Short Leash Syndrome

  1. sim

    Yemaya, beautifully said..
    someone who loves you wants the best for you…not keep you held hostage for their own selfish gain….thats not love or friendship….I have met many a “woman” friend of my male friends who continually keep me away from my male friends….jealousy and selfish self centred poeple are not to be trusted….


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