Speak Up: How to See if They Love You

How do I know if he loves me? That’s a question that one reader asks and Carmen shares much of her own personal experience which many agree with: honesty with a few exceptions, no secrets, accepts you for who you are and quite a few more bits of wisdom.

Knowing the Signs of Love

Sharon asks,

How do you know if a man loves you? What are the signs to look for?

Dear Sharon,

I have often pondered this question and over the years, I think I have finally found some answers for it. I will say upfront that this is my personal list, which I have discussed many times with others and they seem to agree with me. Also, this list includes a mix of both the dating phase, as well as the long-term relationships phase.

1. A man who loves me is always honest with me, unless I have a cold, look like Frankenstein and ask him “Am I beautiful?” In those moments it is okay for him to lie.

2. The man who loves me doesn’t keep secrets from me.

3. A man who loves me goes out of his way for me. He doesn’t need to be told, asked or constantly reminded that I do exist and other things don’t always take priority over me.

4. A man who loves me treats me with respect and kindness, even when I have major PMS.

5. A man who loves me has integrity. He keeps his word and knows how important this is to me.

6. When a man loves me, his eyes sparkle when he sees me and he can’t wait to see me again.

7. When a man loves me, he shares things with me he tells me things no one else knows about him.

8. When a man loves me he does the little things that are important to me. For example, my husband gets dinner every night.

9. When a man loves me he accepts me and likes me just the way I am. He doesn’t expect me to drop 10pounds, have long or short hair and dress a certain way. He accepts my little idiosyncrasies and doesn’t ask me to change. On the flip side, I do the same for him!

10. When a man loves me he not only takes my feelings, hopes, dreams and wishes into consideration, but they are a priority to him as well as his own priorities. Most of the time, I am number 1, not number 2, 3 or 10! He knows how to prioritize.

Because after all, the man who loves me puts my happiness, my emotional, mental and physical well-being on a level equal to his own.

Do you have a question for Carmen? Ask it here.

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11 thoughts on “Speak Up: How to See if They Love You

  1. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    I like #8….I’m a lousy cook. LOL

    Give me a man that can not only cook in the bedroom, but in the kitchen as well. LOL

    Mark from the UK, are you reading this ?????

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  2. Reed x 5105Reed x 5105

    In my experience, sometimes it’s better to ask yourself, “Does he meet my needs?” instead of “Does he love me?”

    A person (especially a man) can feel something and not express it in the way you might expect. For example, a man might love you and so he brags to all his friends about how great you are, works out to look extra good for you, and sends you flowers. If what you really wanted was long evenings on the couch cuddling and talking, then it doesn’t matter how he feels if your needs aren’t met.

    Maybe in such a case, communication and compromise could solve the problem, and maybe not. Love is not a guarantee of happiness if it doesn’t come with respect, the ability compromise, the ability to communicate, problem solving skills, dedication, and maturity.

    Don’t settle for anything less.

    Reed x5105

  3. Dominic

    Happy Birthday to you both! Happy happy! (did you remind her how many pauifnl hours you had to live through just to give her life? But how it was all worth it…because after they gave you jello?)ox 🙂

  4. jojo

    Why I am not surprised? Out of all the signs listed I cant say honestly my current partner does not love me at all. Sadly must be kept for my sons sake to keep the father. that is it

  5. Sarah

    What about my man? He USED to be all of those things, but for a while now i barely exist to him, despite living under the same roof. My gut says it’s an act but after a while u cant help but wonder wats the point of this stupid act?!

  6. Christine

    I been with my man for 22 yrs, He Use to be crazy over top in love with me in first 10 yrs. He is 19 yrs. older then myself. But has soon has we got married in 2001 March. 24? BOOM things changed instantly!
    First few Month was ok. He’s quiet, serious, I love to laugh and I’m outgoing. He’s a homebody! I like to go out and speak w/new people or just anyone.
    I love the ocean, he do’t like water. I love showers, he loves baths. We are just so very opposite. We use to play a lot of golf together? But, with his lower lumbar of his hurting constantly the inevitable happened another surgery had to take place!of a major surgey he suffered through already? It was high time the third Then I started to be ignored by him.
    To the point Huggin me stopped completly. Even After my Dad died. in 2009? He didn’t come with me to MA. for the funeral. Then he started to treat me has if I was invisable!
    Being a Creative “CHEF” myself? I spoiled him witt Breakfast in Bed each Morning. Beautiful packed lunches to take with him for work and homemade dinners. This I did for yrs’ I was diagnosed with a debilitating illness in 2004? Lost my job and my life basically. Depressed I became from not being able to me amymore. Then my suspicions were right, I was finding intimate love cards he was giving to another woman he was also spending construction jobs at her home etc. To this day. The hurt is so overbearig. What can I do? I need the insurance from the Military for my illness and being ignored with no love in site or hug has a woman, my depression worsened. He then started verbally abusing me to the point, Each day I actually would shake due to being sickly and him being so mean! Now I can’t function and I’m totally more unorganized then ever in my life! My illness has gone so far down hill. And he’s now on his 3rd woman on the side and so cold to me. Yet, I still cook, clean and, do everything expected for him! I get a small allowance. So this is a very opposite of anything I ever dreamed of in a marriage. he runs my life and how much more can a woman take? The list can go on forever! What can a woman do like myself with a debiltating very painful illness. I still would love to have a life in this world. But don’t know what to do anymore?
    God Bless
    Christine Jackson

  7. Mary

    Very true Carmen, it is very simple with men and all other relationships. If your man or friends have your best interest at heart they will treat you like they treat themselves, with love, respect and considerations.

    Lots of us have low self- esteem and play destructive mind games with ourselves and make excuses for others.

    Someone who doesn’t call you for days or weeks and then later when they call you tells you that their dog the one that you know they don’t have (lol)ate their cell phone doesn’t care for you!l let downs, lies and putting you last on their priority list is a very obvious sign of someone who should not be in your life. They are willing to lie to you to advance their own self interest in the relationship and not willing to recognize the anxiety they have caused you.

    This is the age of computers and cell phones you can borrow a strangers phone or go to the library and use the computer to send a message if you wanted to and cared enough.

  8. mags

    it is not always the right thing for a man to priority his girlfriend because of baggages he has in his life which includes the most important people in his life and they are his children,his job.his ex wife for the sake of his children and so comes you girlfriend..take it or leave it…make a choice and take the consequens of your choice…some men has this lifestyle i tell you…pity for a woman who is in love with this jerk of a man….

  9. elean J

    sometimes its annoying to read posts like these. Gives me the impression a man loving a woman don’t have to complain, have to accept whatever she offers and wouldn’t ask her to change something she’s not doing right. I’ll love you the way you are but if you add 20kg, that isn’t the way you are anymore.
    This makes me think relationships between a man and a woman is all about the woman’s comfort.

  10. Constane Fritz

    what can be done about the man that professes to love me but…..insists i color my hair so it remains a medium brown, insists he married a slim woman and will not tolerate me being 20# overweight. He is very shallow with his manners and feelings. He insists it is fine for a man to be with a big belly but not a woman, and certainly, not his wife. Never mind I am 74years of age. He talks with a brusque voice and insists he isn’t doing this. Insists anyway I am too too “touchy”. Wants sex even though he has been most brusque and unhappy with me the whole day or even any part of the day. Keep in mind my age of 74 and his age is 75. Am I just “stuck” for ever now? Any light on the subject is appreciated. Thanks you, Constance.


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