When you haven’t gotten over your ex, is it possible to still be friends? Probably not at that point. Learn to focus on healing yourself so that you can be whole without him first.
Here’s a Hint: No!
Lucy from Bradford, United Kingdom asks:
I still haven’t gotten over my ex. Anti-depressants, therapy, now the fat farm because I’m eating for the world. He wanted to stay friends. I couldn’t handle it. He turned his back on me. Could we ever resume a friendship, now that I’m stronger?
Dear Lucy! I hate to break this to you, but no, you cannot remain friends. And honestly, why would you want to? The reason you want his friendship is because you hope that he’ll change his mind and that he’ll come back to you, if you only lose weight / become happy again / have more self-confidence (insert here whatever thing you feel you need to fix).
You need to find a man who loves you for who you are and the way you are. Not one that requires you to change and who cannot love and commit to you 100%.
Of course, this brings up the question of why you love yourself so little that you feel you need to be with a man who isn’t committed and has actively distanced himself from you. See, the reasons why he walked away and turned his back don’t matter. What matters is that he did; and none of his behaviors may actually have anything to do with you. The simple answer is that he is not the right one and not the proper fit for you. So while you are spending all your time and energy on getting his approval and his non-committed butt back, you are missing out on the person who might be the right one for you. In order to attract the right partner, you will have to create space in your life and heart, so the universe can actually bring that person in.
Above all, though, Lucy, you must learn to love yourself first. A person who cannot love themselves generally cannot love another. If you doubt yourself and don’t believe in yourself, you will project that into the world, and hence, attract it in others.
“Keep your partner happy by being happy yourself.” – Blythe ext. 5339
Keep doing your therapy, and whatever else you deem fit to help you get over your broken heart. There are so many ways to heal oneself from toxic behavioral patterns and low self-esteem, like yoga, meditation, working out; evening classes in whatever hobby you always wanted to take up, reading, etc. Let him go and start focusing on you. He does not matter, you, however, do. Trust me, the world can become brighter and we can overcome even the biggest heartache. He, my friend, is not worth it, no matter how much you may want to justify keeping him in your life.
Take care of yourself and know that nothing is ever as bleak as it appears.
“You must first decide that you are worthy of love and that your value to be loved is not determined by someone else but yourself.” – William ext. 5131
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