We all have heard the stories of people cancelling a wedding and there are always twists and details we do not know. We will explore what may be really going in some of these situations.
He Didn’t Tell You Everything
Gloria from Portland, Oregon asks:
I felt like I was in a dream in my last relationshipbecause I was with a person who I could see myself with for the rest of my life and there were so many unique qualities that I loved about him. We were planning on getting married. During our relationship, I worked hard and did most of the work to help him get a business deal and build his company. After his success, his parents disapproved of our future marriage and that stressed him out. He had a lot of stress at work too, including a misunderstanding between us about his job. Eventually we broke up.
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He blames me for the breakup. I know he’s already dating and looking for that wife. He completely ignores me now, as if I am not worthy of his time and that I don’t have feelings when treated this way. I am in a lot of pain and I feel it’s so unfair that everything I’ve done for him, for us, now goes to another woman in his life, and I never enjoyed any of it. I am most hurt that he never tried to talk things out with me before breaking up, never tried to work things out with me and give us another chance, especially after what a great relationship we had and all the work I did for him.
Psychic Red ext. 9226 Responds:
I am so sorry that you are going through so much pain and heartbreak. I am also sorry that some of the things I’m going to share with you may be a bit painful to hear, but will ultimately help you to work through this dreadful time.
Your ex is a good guy, but he isn’t the strongest man. Some of his awkwardness and sweetness is why you fell for him, but these traits are partially responsible for why he essentially ran away. He isn’t very good with handling emotional stress. Throughout the course of your relationship, you primarily took care of the problems, the issues, and him. So, when his family really started pressuring him about his choices, he didn’t defend the relationship, and he didn’t defend you. He just doesn’t have that kind of internal strength. Also, it looks as if he did not share everything with you in an entirely honest fashion. For example, he knew he couldn’t go against his parents’ wishes a full two months before the two of you began experiencing deeper communication issues which lead to your breakup. He strategically pulled away from you emotionally, and used the issues that came his way as excuses, and the foundation for exiting the relationship.
Sometimes, for some people, love isn’t enough. And, for people like your ex, it also isn’t always a primary consideration. He did honestly love you. Part of him still does. But, his family isn’t going to accept you, and marriage is expected for him within the next two years.
The cold and unkind behavior your ex is exuding toward you naturally would make you feel as if you aren’t worthy of his time, but please try to understand that he isn’t trying to cause, or add to, your pain. He just doesn’t know what to do, or how to deal with everything. He is hiding out in the open by avoiding you and essentially ignoring you. While this is painful, there’s nothing you can, or should try, to do about this. In time, he will seek you out to offer amends for some of the pain that he put you through. However, you need to prepare yourself, because this isn’t going to happen soon. From what I can tell, he’s pretty much going to avoid you until the mid-to-late summer months. This will bring you some closure, but you will have to decide how forgiving and accepting you are willing to be with him at that point in your life.
While it is unfair and hurtful that you will not reap the rewards of the business you helped to create, the truth is you still would have helped him with this endeavor even if you weren’t in a relationship. You wouldn’t have labored quite as much, but you would have helped. You have fairly clear picture of what your life with him would have been like—him bringing things to you, business and personal, and letting you do the lion’s share of the work. I’m not saying that you would have minded the imbalance, but I am reminding you that you’ve had moments of concern with this imbalance while you were together. His good qualities seemed bright enough to offset his weaker qualities with you, but you have always been the strong one in this relationship. Tap into that strength now to benefit yourself, and focus on healing. You experienced a good love with a good man, but the time is coming for you to experience a great love with a great man.
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