Man-Speak: What You Need to Know Before Having “The Talk” With Your Man

“We Need to Talk”

For many women in heterosexual relationships, there comes a point in the relationship when they need some reassurance about how their man is feeling and the direction in which the relationship is headed.

Women are often more communicative than men, so it’s natural for them to want to sit down and talk about the future of a relationship. When this desire hits you, here are two bits of advice for you:

Number One: Stop.

Number Two: Don’t do it. Take a bubble bath, take an aspirin, take a margarita. Take something and go lay down until the urge passes.

If you ignore my advice and plunge into the talk, at least don’t start it with “we need to talk.”

Oh, that phrase, that dismal phrase! Nothing good ever follows that phrase. Most guys would rather take a roofing nail through the head than to hear that phrase. Here are the things that often follow “we need to talk,” listed in order of severity:

…you’re fired.

…the insurance isn’t going to cover it.

…you’ve got cancer.

…I’m leaving you.

…I’m pregnant. (Said by his girlfriend.)

…I’m pregnant. (Said by his girlfriend to his wife.)

…I’m pregnant. (Said by his daughter.)

Nothing but bad news can possibly follow “we need to talk.”

Never start any conversation this way unless you really are trying to scare someone beyond all reason. A man who can wrestle alligators, go off to war, and lift 372 pounds with one finger will mentally curl up into the fetal position (if he has any sense) upon hearing “we need to talk.”

Don’t start with “we need to talk.” Better yet, just don’t start at all. Why not have some sort of a talk? Why shouldn’t you ask a man where the relationship is heading? For starters, men don’t know where they’re headed, and unless his testosterone is dangerously low, he won’t even ask for directions. He won’t be able to find your mom’s house the first seven tries (if ever), he can’t find the shirt you pressed for him and left on the bed, he’s probably the one that left the remote in the kitchen during the last commercial break, and now you’re expecting him to have a master plan concerning your emotional future. Really?

The truth is that most men don’t sit around thinking about the future of their relationships. Men don’t think about feelings. Men experience relationships. They experience feelings. They experience life. They are playing it by ear and making it up as they go, not sitting around mapping it out. Your man probably hasn’t given much thought to the future of any relationship, including the one with you—but that isn’t because he doesn’t want one. It’s only because he’s a man, and men are in it for the experience of it all.

You could very well be in a relationship with a man who loves you dearly, wants you in his bed and in his life, and knows you’d make a great mom for his kids. You could very well be with a man who would take a bullet for you, give you a kidney, and trade his sports car in for an engagement ring—and still he won’t be able to describe to you his feelings about you or the future of your relationship.

In fact, if you have an option of either asking a man about the future of the relationship or asking him to put on a dress and roller skate—go for the dress and skates, you’ll have better luck and there will be less damage.

So what is a woman to do? Use this knowledge to your advantage. For a man, it’s all about how he feels when he is with you. Remember that he is not thinking, he is experiencing. A man needs to experience adventure. He needs to experience a challenge. He needs to experience respect. He needs to experience victory, and for a man that means that he needs to feel that he has cleverly earned your attention and affection through the masterful use of his masculine charm.

You will need to consider yourself a real prize, so that he will, too—there has to be something worth winning. You need to show him your playful side. That way he is more comfortable taking a risk, knowing that you won’t call him a loser if his efforts to impress you end up falling short. You need to let him go through the motions of trying to impress you, even if you feel he doesn’t need to do so on your account. He needs to do this in order to feel the experience that will bind him to you for the long run. Allow him this experience, and you won’t have to wonder how he feels about you. He’ll show it.

It’s all about the experience. If you need some more information about your specific man, then give a psychic a call. However, if after reading this, you are still thinking about asking him how he feels about the future of the relationship…

Well then, we need to talk…

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24 thoughts on “Man-Speak: What You Need to Know Before Having “The Talk” With Your Man

  1. Jan Shah

    i completely agree with this great article. i have tried to have the ” we need to talk” talk with my gf and that pushed him completely away. i never realized what i was doing, until after analyzing it, i realized i scared him into making some sort of decision when he was in a pretty bad place in his life already. It definately pushes them away. i am never gonna do that again. Luckily i figured it out, but this article is right on the money with how men perceieve the ” we need to talk” funny thing is that when they say ” we need to talk” to a woman it is always seems to be impending doom for me too 🙂 and is. i would think women also would be just as worried.

    nice read


  2. elly

    HILARIOUS! HILARIOUS! – Reed and Nancy: you are both hilarious! Thank you! I needed this!

    Nancy – “all he knew is that he wanted to play video games!” Makes me roar just writing it; much less reading it!

    What a great way to start the day! Keep it up………………

  3. nancy

    this article on men is so to the dot and as a person who has tried to have “the Talk” with my boyfriend it does not work, it does scare him off they dont know at at all about their feelings. I just wish i had read this article before. My boyfriend had no clue all he knew is that he wanted to play video games. Know that i know this i will NEVER bring up that topic again.

  4. glenn

    Article causes confusion. Using the words “guys” and “men” in relation to each other.
    A guy does not care what you think, he wants more sex and less talk.
    A man will be open about the relationship, and you are not in the dark.
    The time-to-time serious talk, keeps you in touch with what he is thinking.

    “We need to talk” means time to listen, focus and be made aware, there is a problem.
    A guy only hears he is about to have an adult conversation, that suggests responsibility.
    None of which he wants any part of being: in effect being a responsible adult.

    If she is long term dating a “guy” instead of a man, she has a problem, or likes abuse.

  5. Sarah

    I disagree totally! This advice is like moisturizing cream for a man’s ego!
    What’s all this tip-toeing around a man & playing games & allowing him to play manipulative games?!
    This advice is for high school girls, coz once someone gets tired of avoiding the issue(s) that’s when the other 1 loses interest coz they got used to ur games.
    If a guy cringes at u being straight with him, there’s something wrong with HIM! why must women distract themselves from what’s bothering them? Just be direct, respectful & concerned & if he’s a real man he’ll appreciate it. Man are’nt retarded cave
    Monsters driven by some prehistoric poppycock!
    If any women reading this (men too) wanna know about real relationship advice, read what judaism/kabbalah says!
    The beauty of it is u dont need to be jewish to see the logic & simplicity of how to keep a happy relationship without the ego-moisturizer & game-playing.
    Afterall, statistics prove that jewish families are among the top with low divorce rates & family/relationship values

  6. deborah

    Excellent, Reed! Your advice is priceless. I have fallen into this ‘talk’ trap too, and eventually realized the hard way, that this is not how men work. It’s something we women are so compelled to do that we are blinded by how intimidating and horrifying this actually comes across to men. It really should be avoided at all costs, no matter how overpowering the urge is to us. I have tried to talk girl friends out of having ‘the talk’ with their men, but the mindset is so strong that they can’t hold back and give in. Mostly, they just NEED to know how he feels about their future, and need to talk about it. Let’s just say this approach usually backfires in a way that is not very satisfying for both the guy or lady. Yes, every man is different, and some are open to discuss the dynamics of planning ahead, or his feelings for you.. however, it may not be in the way that you would expect. But it is so important recognize his expressions of love and feelings for you as he experiences it. It just might not always be in words.. so learn his language and see how he feels when he is with you, and you will understand that there should never be a need or purpose to ‘have the talk’.


  7. assiren

    thank you for this…this is awesome…exactly the way my man reacts for everything…even somehow, it feels like im into d conclusion that what he really want is fun… and i need to turn back to him…because of all that inborn side’s men!!! 😉

  8. Zio

    I seriously appreciate this …I always questioned my exes that is why this article had me in laughter and they could never put in words what this article has given me clarity I wish I would have read this article before …I feel horrible for leaving him for that …that’s why he was so hurt but …I’ll use this for my future.

  9. Lisl

    Thank you, Reed — so very true! This knowledge is a very big part of understanding men. If we choose a man, we should not then expect a female companion. The thought process, such as it is, is quite different with a man.

    Vive la difference!

  10. Kathy

    This article made me smile. I remember men in my past and when they tried to impress me. Then I think of the man of my future, and can just picture him! I wonder what he will DO. I will try to remember that if he’s *doing,* then my questions are answered. 🙂

  11. Fiona x5178

    This is a gem of an article. It should be required reading for woman wanting things to flow smoothly with their guy. Thanks, again.

  12. Cindy

    Thank you for this… I wasn’t going to say “we need to talk” but asking for clarification of the relationship had crossed my mind. Thanks for the reminder that men need to experience relationships. That is the most important key and valuing yourself and him will answer those initial questions in time.

  13. Connie

    Reid your are absolutely wonderful. I love the down to earth attitude and the straight forwardness you express in your article. I look forward to talking to you again soon
    you have helped me put my life in perspective in so many ways……. Happy Holiday.

  14. Jackie

    Hi Red: What an EXCELLENT advice! This is exactly what I needed to understand my situation. You described this so clearly, that now, all the questions I had have been answered by your article. This came to me from heaven! Thanks Red for your article and wisdom!

  15. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    one more thing….men generally do not like drama…….they fear the drama that accompanies the talks……

    so when you do have your little talks, present your point of view calmy and logically, (don’t keep re-hashing the point over & over ) , then give him time to think about it before you press him to respond.

  16. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Dear Reed,

    Happy Holidays… reading your comments and articles….always great to read the articles written by actual psychics out in the field.

  17. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500


    I read auras also…..and for years now, have found it amusing AND interesting to watch the instant color-change in a man’s aura when a woman is trying to force the ” let’s have a talk ” issue……the aura changes color immediately and the shields go up.

  18. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Fantastic article Reed !!!!!

    and funny….but oh so true !!!!!

    Men do not think the way women do…….and that’s not a slam or a put down either, I have many male friends…..but their way of looking at things, the way they digest and process information and emotions, is much * different * then the way a woman does.
    ( notice I did not say * better…..I said *different ).

  19. Kallista, ext. 9623

    Great job, Reed, and so true! You write very well, and I laughed out loud throughout because you blend truth with humor very well, indeed! Thank you! Kallista, ext. 9623


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