Parenting is fun, and brings joy into your life, but it sure isn’t a sexy activity. However, there’s no reason to let the heat fade from your adult relationship just because one or both of you is parenting. It takes a bit of thought, and lots of focus, but keeping your intimate life hot after you have kids is definitely not impossible. Want some tips?
1. Hand-off some responsibility. I know couples who brag that their kids never had a sitter. That’s nothing to brag about, say family relationship experts. An occasional, trusted substitute parent is good for you and for the kids. You can generate tons of heat by taking a random day off work to surprising your mate with a sitter and a daytime date.
2. Schedule time for each other. It doesn’t matter if you have one child or twelve, schedule time to be a couple without the offspring underfoot. Try after they’re asleep, or when they’re in school or visiting the granny. Rodney says that sometimes they wait till later in the evening to be together, and sometimes they rely on a sitter, but Friday night is “our” time, and he lets nothing short of a catastrophe interfere.
3. Have some red-hot conversation. Everybody knows a healthy relationship must have good communication. But while you’re talking about Bobby’s report card issues, see what happens if you throw in a sexy aside. Kathy looks deeply into her lover’s eyes and says, “I was just thinking about the first time we made love.”
Talk about issues as they occur, but do it when the kids are in bed or occupied, and sprinkle in sexy innuendo or outright suggestive comments. The results are worth the effort.
4. Make time for sexy little pleasures. Elena gets hubby’s oil changed or has his car detailed for him, just to please him. Elena presents his spiffed up vehicle to him, sans cookie crumbs and tiny toys, with a soft, prolonged hug. He might give her a fifteen minute time out – put her feet up, give her a favorite book, or quiet time alone. He always starts the time with a lover’s kiss.
E-mail your mate a virtual gift, love story, or passion poem. Create break time for just a few minutes for a walk, a movie on the TV, or dinner after the kids retire for the night. A homemade cappuccino together. Every night Kevin makes hot chocolate and brings it to his wife Beth in bed. The secret is to do it unexpectedly. Make your partner smile, or even laugh out loud with pleasure.
5. Don’t neglect sexy, big pleasures. Keep lovemaking varied, spicy. If you have to read books (Dr. Seuss isn’t the only author on earth) or confab with your friends to get ideas, do it. Just going through the motions in missionary position isn’t exactly an aphrodisiac, it’s more like a sleeping potion. Find out what your partner would love to try just once. What’s her fantasy? Adapt it to your style and tastes as a couple. Heat it up!
Sexual turn-ons start in the brain, not in the knickers. Few people hop in the sack and get it going on in five minutes. A mind-set of love and sensuality through the day make a couple eager for hot love in the night. Think sexy, be sexy. Savor the memory of your last love-making and let that memory heat you up. Kids or not, if you focus on each other and follow your instincts, the fireworks will stick around for a long time.