Hang On to a Hero
Getting a man, so to speak, is easy. How to get a “good” man is a bit trickier. For women in today’s dating scene (or the wannabes), finding a good man can seem darn near impossible. But this is where some necessary criteria come into play…
1. You will not meet any man of any sort if you don’t get out! Studies show couples are more likely to connect – and stay connected – when they enjoy similar interests and hobbies. This means that for those in the dating pool, doing what you enjoy first is a must.
2. Being realistic and knowing who you are, what you like and what you don’t has to come before choosing the kind of guy you want to share time, space and air with. If you have few career goals or future aspirations, it’s unlikely you’re going to meet a millionaire that wants to sweep you off your feet. Or, on the personal level, if you’re by nature a messy person, you may have conflicts later if you connect with a Type A kind of guy. Family dynamics now and in the future are also important components to consider.
3. Know that “playing hard to get” is a coy maneuver from the past. Men today enjoy women that take more of an assertive (not aggressive) role in the courtship process. Don’t be afraid to make eye contact, smile or speak to a guy you find interesting or attractive. Patience is also key here as it make take more than a few words for you to expect a phone call, text or date in the near future.
Okay, so let’s say you overcome hurdles 1-3. Keeping a man can bit a bit harder than initially snagging one. Here are a few things to consider:
• Women often change their personalities and behaviors once they get beyond the first few dates. Being insecure or afraid can chase a man away faster than a dog chases a mail carrier. Constant phone calls or serial texts and the dreaded twenty questions routine is more likely than not to leave you hanging.
• When he met you, you had a life (or seemed to, at least). If he sees you shift from a fun loving, well-balanced woman into Holly Homemaker within the first few months, he may start seeing visions of diapers and hearing screaming children way before he’s ready to cross that bridge. And he may high tail it outta there.
• If when he met you he believed you were independent, self sufficient and responsible, he may not respond well to you wanting to borrow money, bringing a suitcase instead of an overnight bag or you quitting your job with no backup plan. Men are okay with taking care of their women for the most part, but only after they’ve put a ring on it.
• Lying, cheating and texting an ex are absolute no-nos, and if you are busted early on (and even sometimes later), most guys won’t stick around for more no matter how sorry you are.
Each point here is a biggie, and has been validated not just through the experience of those treading (and drowning) in the dating pool, they are also backed up by relationship studies based in psychology and human behavior. The bottom line is, if he sticks around it’s because he liked the person you were when he met you and vice versa. Too often in relationships we either change ourselves, or try to change our partner, which is a cocktail for a dating disaster. For many more tips and advice on this topic and more, check out the CP blog, which you can access anytime from the present as well as through all the archives.
And please keep in mind, not all the good ones are taken, and if you’re prone to believing that, you will never find and keep one. Manifesting and affirming are two things you should never leave home without. Oh, and don’t forget your smile!
Are there any tips not covered here you feel are absolutes in not just getting, but keeping a man?
17 thoughts on “How to Get a (Good) Man and Keep Him”
I do disagree with what the person said about there are no good and honest men out there. I wonder where you are looking to say that. Have some confidence in yourself and know your self worth and he maybe right in front of you all the time. Don’t be so pessimistic in your conversation and you will find what you are looking for be patience and remember silence is golden.
I found the love of my life at 51. affirmations and manifesting works!!!!!
Thank you everyone for your feedback!
@ Rose – you make great points!
@ K, Denise, Irian and Oscar – thank you for your responses!
@ Susie – kudos to you! With reference to being fun loving and balanced, I apologize for any misconception in the context of those traits being “mutually exclusive” with Holly Homemaker – it was not my intention to convey such an inverse relationship.
@ Sajvpete – Your quip was hilarious and made my evening – thx for that!
@ Amanda – thanks for sharing the wonderful quote!
I can identify, validate and empathize with your frustration regarding the current situation, though feel you already know what you should do in terms of making a decision. Though you must decide for yourself, I can tell you that I see a VERY strong, loving and intuitive woman that generally trusts her inner guidance; additionally, from what I can see this man does love you, though is behaving in such a way you are free from feeling acknowledged and validated – though these are qualities we must pull from within first, before we are able to be receptive to that which others can offer us. I hope this helps Windee – hang in there!
Rose here is a good quote for u! “We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. “
“Good” men do not exist. One would have better luck finding & taming a Unicorn, than being able to find a genuine & decent human male.
Hey Giovanna, ths is truly a whole truth. I rly luv da last part.”manifesting & affirming r 2 dfrent thngs that they shld not leave home wthout.
Very good article. To the point.
What makes you think being “a fun loving, well-balanced woman” is mutually exclusive to being a “Holly Homemaker”? I beg your pardon, but I happen to be both!! And I’ve “kept” my husband (very happily, I might add) for 26 years.
I understand what you are saying. But what if the roles are reversed–me, the woman, is insecure and shy and HE tries to change me? And this is what drew him to me. Then he says he’ll call and then doesn’t?–for a long time? If I start getting more into my interests and hobbies, and he doesn’t appreciate them or the time (however little or much) I spend on them. He proposed to me almost a year ago but can’t take time to call and see how I’m doing–I’m in Iowa and he’s in Mississippi–for now: should I move on or give him a chance to contact me. I love him and would do anything for him, but—–
Could you possibly email me a response? Thank you
Giovanni: I Loved the article & the advice…… Keep them rolling in.
for one thing i dont know how to text anyone…i dont write to anyone or call anyone i just stand by and let them do those things…i dont borrow that i can give back..and it has to be a family member…overnite sounds good there is no harm in doing that…
no one is perfect not even women…i dont a perfect man ..i want a man that can trust and find some happiness an of love comes first…he doesnt have money .money means nothing to me…looks mean nothing to me only love is what i look in a man…if you have LOVE you have everything…you than rich..love never goes away…but money does..when that is gone what do you have nothing…but with love that can last forever…
I disagree with advice number 2, many men are more than happy to provide for a woman…not all rich men need career women
Great advice !
great article Giovanna –