Staying Together With the Gift of Psychic Guidance
I recently worked with a very successful woman who had just filed for a divorce. Apparently, she had spent thousands of dollars on therapy and marriage counseling that didn’t seem to get anywhere, and decided divorce was the only viable option.
When I started my session with her, I told her that divorce was not necessary because she and her husband still loved each other but that there was a power struggle that was keeping them divided.
A great deal of my work is helping clients get to the root of their subconscious blocks, issues, and thought patterns. While working with this particular client we discovered an angry child within that was causing her to perceive her husband from a misguided perspective.
At around the age of seven or eight, this client had experienced a situation with her parents that had led her to believe unconsciously that she was not important. Some fifty some years later, she has a wealthy husband who is financially supporting a ne’er-do-well sibling and, for some reason, it’s driving her mad with deep-seated anger.
I shared my intuitive perception that her husband’s actions were triggering the anger of the child within and that she was repeating the same power struggle dynamics of what had happened as a child with her parents.
It took her a few weeks of processing our session together and some deep self-reflection, and then she called me to announce that she had called off the divorce and that she and her husband were deeply in love again.
What had happened as a child was a simple yet profound event. At around eight years old, the client had to move in with her parents because the family moved to a new city. She was so furious, and begged and begged that they not move.
Of course, a little girl doesn’t have the understanding about why parents make life and business decisions that are necessary, but she was obstinate about not moving. Since the move took place anyway, she unconsciously believed that she must not be important enough and that was why her parents wouldn’t change their minds about moving.
Fifty some years later, this adult client asked her husband to stop supporting his younger brother. Money wasn’t the issue, because they’re very wealthy, but her husband wouldn’t budge. When I told her that her husband’s reluctance was making her feel unimportant, bingo, she got it—and then the psychological unraveling began and now she is a transformed, happy woman.
I believe that many relationships stagnate from the routines of their habits, and that people don’t know how to create change and revitalize their love.
My husband used to have this look that I would automatically respond to, and without any words I would take care of his non-verbal request, such as give him some time on the computer when he stood there breathing with a certain tone.
Sometimes, he just wanted to hang near me, but every time he got near I just assumed he wanted the computer and irritably gave up my chair. One day as I sensed my husband’s presence, I dared to challenge him with a “What do you want?” and he replied, “I just want to see what you’re doing.”
I thought about it for a bit, and realized that we were stuck in the habit of making assumptions. So I asked my husband if we could try a new behavior, to just ask each other what we want, not just let our non-verbal language and non-verbal responses dictate our reactions.
What an improvement that created. My husband discovered that he was reluctant to ask because he might get rejected, and I discovered that by knowing rather than assuming, his needs led to a much more harmonious reaction to one another.
Marriage involves lots of little habits that eventually can lead to frustration and wear out a good relationship. So be aware of and examine those little responses and reactions that you have, and change them as needed. It will stimulate growth, which is just what a good marriage needs.
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