Get Unstuck in Love

Your Hormones are to Blame!

Based on the huge success of Taylor Swift’s song “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” we can assume that many people relate to the frustrating cycle of breaking up and then getting back together, over and over again. The reason we get stuck in love actually has more to do with hormones than with love.

Bonding Hormones When we become physically intimate with someone, our brains release chemicals that make us feel deeply connected to that person on a primal level. In women, the main hormone is oxytocin. In men, the dominant bonding chemical is vasopressin.

Oxytocin is sometimes referred to as the “cuddling” hormone because it makes you crave physical closeness. Besides being released during romantic intimacy, it’s also released during childbirth, which then gives the woman the urge to cuddle her infant. It’s nature’s way of making sure babies are loved and nurtured. The effect of vasopressin on a man is not quite as physical, but it is still related to bonding. It makes him feel protective, even possessive, of his partner. He can become jealous and possibly even violent when other men try to claim his woman.

Perhaps you’ve seen this sort of behavior demonstrated with lions or apes in nature documentaries. Well it’s not much different among humans! Psychic Liam ext. 9290 explains the evolutionary purpose of these hormones: “For our forbearers, pair bonding was a useful tool in the desperate bid for survival under harsh conditions where struggle and death were constant companions.” Today, however, society offers many other resources for survival, and many more opportunities to meet potential mates. Unfortunately, our hormones haven’t caught up with societal changes. There is even some acknowledgment of the power of bonding hormones in popular culture. For example, Psychic Jacqueline ext. 9472 recalls that in the movie “Pretty Woman,” Julia Roberts’ character, who is a prostitute, says that she doesn’t kiss clients on the mouth. Her character wasn’t just being smug; there was actually some science to back up her reasoning. Deep kissing stimulates bonding hormones, and prostitutes certainly can’t afford to get emotionally connected to their clients.

Breaking the Bond

So now you understand what makes you keep going back to your ex. But what can you do to break the bond? One thing that stimulates the re-release of bonding hormones is hearing the person’s voice. It’s not uncommon for people who can’t get over their last lover to call their ex’s phone just to hear his or her voice in the outgoing message. If you catch yourself doing that, stop! If you really want to break the cycle, you must stop hearing that person’s voice. Other triggers are certain scents, such as the cologne or perfume that person wore. Mentally reliving the memories of the good times also re-releases the bonding hormones.

It’s important for you to get involved with new people and activities so that you don’t keep thinking about and longing for your lost love. It can take several months for the effects of the bonding hormones to weaken, so don’t think you’re safe after just a few weeks. The longer you have no contact with that person, the easier it will be for you to stay away. Even just one “oops” night together can start the hormonal bonding cycle all over again. The only way to get unstuck in love is to, as the hit song says, never, ever get back together.

4 thoughts on “Get Unstuck in Love

  1. Sonia

    There’s no reason why you can’t learn it! This book was just fostied on the mothers side of the story. Mary has written one from the fathers perspective. I think either way for both mums and dads baby massage would be beneficial. Especially if your child does have additional needs. Touch is very important for your baby and this book made me understand that!

  2. arise

    Important answer to the oft-posted question: why do I still love the jerk?

    Firedance: take a course on physiological psychology, it will expand your mind.

  3. fiercedance

    To blame “biology” for any behavior absolves the individual for any responsibility for that behavior – and the power to change that behavior.

    biological explanations are nothing more than CRAP rationalizations for crappy actions.

    No excuses.

  4. mags

    that is true and i am in this situation that he made a mistake i can not forgive though i love him but in this case he finally killed my feelings to him…can not trust him anymore…so i have to let him go by not entertaining him again,no calls,not answering if he calls etc…finito for good—he can go on with his life without me involved anymore and go with his bad conscience for the rest of his life…..he is not worth loving….


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