We’ve all said it. The familiar opening line to what is sure to be a tragic story. The story of a person who can’t let go of a destructive relationship. Cupid’s arrow strikes and you find you’re powerless, not only over your feelings, but also your reason. Relationships aren’t based solely on feelings, but actions as well. And if they behave badly, then what difference does it make if you still love the way they used to be when you first met?
Like the old saying goes, relationships are about give and take. But are they too much of a taker, and you a co-dependent giver? There’s a good chance. Takers are often attracted to givers for obvious reasons. That seems to be the natural order of things, which is why it’s so painful and difficult for the giver to stop giving. Then we ask ourselves how this could possibly have happened to us. We find ourselves desperately seeking the answer — how can the vicious cycle be broken?
The solution lies in recognizing that a relationship is an equal partnership. Where there is inequality, resentment, compulsive dependency a host of other issues will naturally follow. These are symptoms. By the same token, if all of your friends and family say that this person is no good for you, then chances are, they’re not. If they have driven a wedge between you and your other relationships and suddenly you find yourself isolated from the people who love you, then they are almost certainly an abuser of some sort. But what to do now?
When you have identified your partner as an abuser, you must then ask yourself if they really know what they’ve done or if they are oblivious to their damaging actions. Chances are they are aware, but they like having all of the control – it almost becomes an obsession — and all the counseling in the world won’t change them. If they want to change, then that’s one thing but in reality, either you change and be prepared to let go, or live with the problem.
If you decide that you aren’t ready to leave, that’s ok — it will only make you stronger in the end. Be gentle and honest with yourself … living on wishful thinking won’t get you very far or create any amount of happiness. It’s also very important to be honest with your loved ones and of course, your partner. Remember, there’s no shame in making mistakes, only in repeating them.