Can You Give Too Much?

And How Much is Too Much?

Giving in relationships can show your partner you love them, while enabling you to feel good about yourself. This is what a well-balanced relationship should look like. Many relationships become a little lopsided when one partner gives more than they should. However, that is usually not cause for concern, unless that excessive kindness is creating feelings of guilt, stress, and ingratitude. As in the storybooks, most of us don’t like our porridge too hot or too cold; we like it just right. Here are the seven guidelines to follow in order to avoid giving too much in your relationship.

Giving Expresses Love; Excess Giving Expresses Fear

Healthy give and take is a balance of good intention. However, when one partner feels inadequate, they may think they need to give excessively in order to be worthy of love in return. When someone gives with an agenda behind it, this is considered drive reduction. In other words, their kindness is aimed at reducing the feeling of fear, jealousy or anxiety. Giving out of love is a service to your relationship. Giving out of fear is a service to yourself, as it demands your partner to serve as a substitute for your lack of self-love, with an overabundance of romantic love.

Giving is Self-Satisfying; Excess Giving is Self-Destructive

Balanced giving allows each partner to feel good about themselves and the relationship. However, when you give too much, and feel cheated, you have to ask yourself why you are sacrificing for a relationship that is not worthy of your effort. Besides desperation, some lovers give too much in order to sabotage their relationship, avoid intimacy or dodge a commitment. In short, excess giving can become an easy excuse for why your relationships never work out.

Giving is Unconditional; Excess Giving is Expectational

A happy relationship involves a couple that gives to their relationship, understanding that they may not receive anything in return. They are comfortable with their level of sacrifice, and will have no regrets regardless of the outcome. This doesn’t mean they are willing to be walked on, but rather their sacrifice meets their current level of commitment. When one lover is not getting what they need, they may give to excess, in hopes of bullying their partner to reciprocate. It is better to wait for your partner to give when they’re ready.

Giving Demonstrates the Will to Commit; Excess Giving Demonstrates Desperation

A balanced lover gives with the assurance that they have made a commitment to the person they are with, and their sacrifice is going towards the greater good of the relationship. When this person has not made a commitment, yet sacrifices anyway, they are likely invested out of the desperation to avoid rejection. This often results in feeling taken advantage of. However, you are doing this to yourself, as you should never sacrifice for someone who isn’t deserving of it.

“Victimhood and martyrdom are two excuses we use to stay powerless.” – Psychic Royce ext. 5448

Giving is Motivated by Compromise; Excess Giving is Motivated by Conflict Avoidance

Some lovers are afraid to ask their partner for anything. Rather than practicing compromise, they give their partner everything they want, and don’t expect anything in return. When one person is constantly giving in to the relationship, they are looking for the easy way out. Unfortunately, this will only make the relationship that much more difficult, as once expectation sets in, your sacrifices will no longer be appreciated.

“Notice if you find yourself overly fighting to make a relationship that doesn’t feel right fit.” – Psychic Leo ext. 5265

Giving Responds with a Thank You; Excess Giving Responds with Guilt or Expectation

Selfless giving is only appreciated when it is followed by either a reciprocated action or thank you. If you are not receiving gratitude for your sacrifices, then one of two things is getting in the way. Either your partner does not realize the sacrifices you are making, or they do realize, and are just taking you for granted.

Giving is About Finding Balance; Excess Giving is About Negotiating Control

For some people, overzealous kindness is a play to gain control over their relationships. This is the lover who subconsciously seeks a partner in need of help, hoping that in return for their kindness, they will receive love, faithfulness, and commitment. Instead, they are usually rewarded with anger, frustration, and resentment. Love needs to feel balance, and lovers must be on equal ground to develop a partnership with mutual respect.

Feel like your relationship is broken down and want some insight? Call today for a love reading from Psychic Dylan ext. 5495 and get the answers you need.

9 thoughts on “Can You Give Too Much?

  1. Jane

    This article has made me realise that i am not mad in my thinking, I live with a giver!!!! He gives too much, but for the wrong reasons, as a form of control, and to cover his own insecurities, and of course it is met mostly without thank yous, as if one gushes with thanks, he then will go overboard, and never deal with the real issues, its like being bought?? I enjoyed reading the article, because it made me realise I dont give a thing in return, and maybe I should, with an explanation as to why I am giving it…..
    So thank you it helps….

  2. Jan

    its a bit tricky to see within yourself and separate giving for love and giving out of fear. The lines get blurred sometimes. i have given in my past out of fear of losing the other person but it was the exact opposite and i learned my lesson. i loved this article because i now try to consciously see when i give and for what reason. that creates the balance that is so hard to achieve. but its a growth i need to learn. thank you

  3. Khummo

    This sounds good because i always give when i can and with my whole heart other than that i give my love daily and every minute so does my partner he gives when he can and i know we can`t give at same time and no matter what we give is appreciated to one of us that receives and we never measure.

    Thank you for this i feel good and will continue believing in myself and our relationship.

  4. heather

    i feel like i give too much and i don’t get anything in return we fight alot and i’m stressed to the limit of where i don’t know if i’m coming or going is there anything i an do to help my partner realize that we both need to give and take and respect and say thank you and welcome more



  6. Reed x 5105Reed x 5105

    This is a really great article. I’ll be recommending this article to a few of my callers.

    I see a lot of the type of giving talked about under the headings Excess Giving Demonstrates Desperation, and Excess Giving is About Negotiating Control. Often times, the person doing these types of giving doesn’t even realize that s/he is doing it and doesn’t realize that ultimately this will damage the relationship.

  7. Mary

    Wow this is an awesome article. Thank you so much, is funny how we all know the reasoning for giving too much within ourselves but never dare to say it at loud!. I hope you know how much your insight-fulness helps others!


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